Half The Sanity And Double the Fun

Bologna, Italy

2009-02-03T16:19:00.000-08:00

Bologna, Italy is COLD in January. FYI for any of you thinking of traveling there next January. BRING WARM THINGS. Very important body parts felt like they were going to freeze off it was so cold.

However, the churches, pastaccerias (pasta store), and cremerias were absolutely charming and beautiful. While I was getting acclimated to being in a foreign country I spent the first few days in this city wandering about, walking into random churches and taking artsy fartsy photos of cobblestone streets.

PS: the first few pictures are from when I got lost and actually walked outside the city limits. I was looking for San Luca -- a beautiful church on a hill. The path to this church is all portico'd, and my host told me to "follow the porticos", which I did...until I saw a street sign that said "San Luca" with an arrow next to it. So I deviated and ended up climbing up the wrong freaking hill with the radio tower instead of the hill with the pretty church. There simply weren't enough swear words that day.

Spokane, Washington

2009-02-03T15:38:00.000-08:00

So the first leg of my three week journey began in Spokane, WA. My oldest brother and his family have officially settled there and I haven't seen the kids in a loooong time. I couldn't believe how grown up they all were -- each with their own Nintendo DS (I'm soo jealous!) and very individual personalities. The kids had some snow days, but we spent time in the evenings going to the arcade, making dinner and playing games.

I took my niece, Brooke, ice skating at a nearby park which was an adventure just getting there. I managed to slip only once on some ice (oddly enough while we were walking, I didn't slip at all while we were actually ice skating). I took the boys out for lunch one day before all going out to play together. None of the kids had ever ridden bumper cars before, so I found a place and we went! The drive there was a little nerve racking, and took a bit longer than anyone thought, but it was still a fun day.

The 5 days I was there passed by way too quickly. It was freaking cold there, but it got me prepped for the Italian portion of my trip, which was suprisingly bone-chillingly cold. I have the most awesome niece and nephews ever! They're smart kids and got the first part of my trip off to an awesome start. They can be a handful at times, but they have big hearts, silly smiles, and a whole lotta love.

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Non Parli l'Inglisi

2009-01-13T08:12:00.001-08:00

So as it turns out I have excellent internet access AND my friend's laptop while here in Italy!! And I'm completely exhausted from a day out on the town, so I thought I'd post some pics from what I've seen so far. I'm actually just going to copy and paste an email I just sent to someone rather than re-type descriptions so don't be offended. I'd rather go out for gelato instead of writing a descriptive post, so deal with it!

PS: if I look a bit off in the pictures, it's because I am. I don't speak the language very well (I forget all the words I've learned when someone tries to talk to me because I get nervous), I had just found out despite all my alerts and calls before I left, my bank has put a hold on my ATM card because I'm using it out of the country, and I just climbed 500 stairs up and 500 stairs down without hyperventilating.
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I just got back to the apartment from wandering around all day. We went to these two towers, the shorter is called Torre degli Garisenda and was tilted by several 'seismic shifts', which I'm assuming is tour-guide-book language for earthquake. Anyway, the city wanted something bigger and better and built the taller tower called Torre degli Asinelli. This city is actually big on towers...Kristina told me that centuries ago when it was still a city-state, rich families proved/showed their wealth by creating towers, so there are a TON everywhere. Asinelli is the tallest though and was my guidepoint today while I was walking around. The climb up the 498 stairs sucked big fat you know what. I am so freakin out of shape its embarassing. A 5 year old passed me up! The stairs are narrow and steep too so it was a little freaky, but WELL worth it. The view was amazing, I can't even imagine what it looks like when the weather is good!

After the tower of terror, my quads were trying to recover so we walked around a bit to a large square called Piazzo Maggiore in front of the Basilica di San Petronio (15th century!!). It was built originally with the intent to be larger than St. Peter's Basilica in Rome, but the pope had a coniption fit when he found out and ordered the funds to finish it be diverted to build another building in the square. Ironically enough, they ran out of money anyway and the church facade was never finished. It was really odd to see such a large open space though, because the rest of the city streets are soooo tiny --- they would be the equivalent to a large alley in the US, and every square foot is taken up by street, car, or shops.

One of the cool things about Bologna (and also what it's known for) are the porticos (covered sidewalks) throughout the city. Comes in handy when it rains or snows, and though it hasn't yet, I'm told there's some on the way. We walked and walked and walked and ended up at this little bistro for some gorgonzola gnocchi and taraguella a ragu (sp??), which was basically fettucini with a bolognese sauce. It was delicious! I ordered a diet coke, which was very expensive but came in a very cool looking can, so I took a picture.

I'm heading to Venice early Thursday morning to spend the day there, and then will be taking a train down to spend Friday and Saturday in Rome/Vatican city. Sunday afternoon I'll head back to Milan with Kristina to see if we can catch an opera and I'll probably stay they night there since my plane leaves early the next morning. All in all, a little scary but most excellent first day in Italy! I can only imagine what the next few days hold for me...
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I know art is beautiful, and marble is hard to sculpt but this was HILARIOUS. This is part of a larger fountain called Neptune and Attendants by Giambologna (16th century). These well endowed women surround the entire bottom of the fountain (Neptune himself is on top with a trident and everything!). Not only do the boobs spew forth water, but the women are squeezing it out! People glared at me as I cracked up, but I didn't care. It's hilarious.
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It's me! Every girl ever!!

2008-09-11T11:41:00.000-07:00

I cannot take credit for what you are about to read, for I didn't write it, nor was I the original poster. Hamiltone was the person to find this gem in the 'best of' section of Craigslist. And much like the Ken Leeeee video, it's just as awesomely funny as the first time I read it.

This post appears to have been written by a very disgruntled male dater, and while I don't doubt the validity of what this guy went through, and I do feel sorry for him, I am reminded that he was the one who picked up on some drunk girl in a bar. :)

Nevertheless, I must commend this author on providing me with such wonderful entertainment and memorable lines as "it's just like sitting in a hug!", "if I light all the candles in my apartment you can see it from space!", "Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her!" and last but not least, "here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul".

So, dear author, if you happen upon my blog and read this posting, thank you, thank you, thank you. You have made many otherwise bad days, much better for me. I hope you learned your lesson about picking up drunk girls at bars, and if you haven't, then I hope you keep writing about it because it's hella funny.

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Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what that thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I freakin love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that.

Hey, let's check out the kitchen. Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that. And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all b&%*$s.

Let's go back into the hallway! Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the heck I was doing in there.

Let's go! Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-retarded brother Travis. That would be so freaking cute! Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you! Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me.

Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!

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To view the original posting on Craigslist, click here.

Up-Dates

2008-09-08T09:44:00.000-07:00

Yes it's time for another updates post because it's been two weeks since my last one and I know all of my loyal fans are dying to know all the intricacies of what has been going on in my life. Okay, so not really...but some of this stuff is really good!!

My Sister

Not that one, the other one. She's pregnant!!!

Not THAT one, the OTHER one!! The one who's married! Yes, she's finally given the green light to share the joyous news with the world. She's halfway through and sitting pretty at 20 weeks. Despite her husband's hopes for twins or triplets, the happy couple found out last week that there's just one bun in the oven and it's a girl!! Big congrats to the Utah couple!!

My Friends

* One of the married couples just had their second baby girl! Congrats!!

* Hamiltone might be getting laid off, and he's excited about it! Congrats!

* V-man is in his third and final year of grad school at CSUN getting his master's in math. Congrats!

* My awesome coworker and friend Robin discovered that she either has thighs of steel, or the expensive roses her boyfriend gave her came in an amazingly cheap vase; as she was being driven home on Friday she steadied the large arrangement between her thighs and glass went flying. Congrats!!

My Other Sister

She's been contemplating getting her driver's license, is still with Mr. Creepy, and is supposedly starting a new job this week in Chatsworth. Yes, Chatsworth as in 30-minutes-driving-without-traffic-in a car Chatsworth, and 3-hours-by-train/bus Chatsworth. Not quite sure how that's all gonna go down, but time will tell.

Last weekend I had a head-on confrontation with Mr. Creepy. It was not awesome. I can't go into details here, but suffice it to say that after my extended conversation with him, I question his motives for being with my sister even more, and like him even less. I didn't think it was possible either, but it is. That guy takes one wrong move and he's gonna have the wrath of me to deal with. Most of you have never seen it, unless you're related to me... and like a hungover prostitute in two-day-old clothes, it just ain't pretty.

My Life

The impossible has happened: on Saturday, September 6th at some late hour, I joined Facebook. I never thought I would, and I never thought I'd say this, but I do like it better than MySpace. For internet-disabled people such as myself who are no longer 'in the know', this site is much more user friendly than MySpace and more importantly, doesn't allow you to 'trick out' your homepage so that it takes your friends 5 minutes to load it.

Most of you already know, and the other half heard the rumors, but the other impossible has happened: I am officially in a relationship, taken off the market, whipped, spoken for -- whatever your chosen euphemism for having a significant other is, that's what I am. My dating sabbatical has come to a happy close, and while getting involved with someone long distance was the absolute last thing on my mind, I cannot complain and am very happy and all that sloshy crap. I'd like to introduce you all to Jared, aka The Gamekeeper, JROQ and more recently, My Other Half. He's like me, or how I would be if I ever decided to get my craziness treated. The awesome thing is that he's like that naturally, without having to be on drugs. Jared and I met 8 years ago when I moved to Utah at the age of 19. Apparently I was totally in lust with him when we first met, but was 'denied' and we've been friends ever since (I have conveniently forgotten this beginning to our friendship, but am reminded frequently). This summer when I went on the now-infamous Utah trip, Jared drove down from Idaho to grace us with his awesomeness...and between his awesomeness and my awesomeness, we got addicted to each other's awesomeness. Jared currently lives in his hometown in Idaho and is finishing up the last few prerequisites before he applies to pharmacy programs at the end of the year. I currently live in California and am working towards doing prerequisites for nursing programs. I got three words for ya: frequent flyer miles.

After changing my schedule approximately twenty-two and a half times, I finally finalized my fall semester of school. Instead of the insane 15 units, I'm doing a more manageable 10, with classes Mon-Wed evenings, and one online class. So hopefully I won't be quite so M.I.A. and will eventually be able to make it to FHE/game night at some point. I have a new game to teach you guys!

Living with the 'rents (parents) situation has finally found its equilibrium and has normalized, for the most part. There are still kinks here and there, but they are mostly due to my insanity and OCD than anything else. I finally finished putting my room/space together and it finally looks more like a haven and less like a storage facility. Added bonus: I heart cable and my new clear TV -- no more fuzzyvision!

I da HO

2008-08-29T17:47:00.000-07:00

**announcement**

I spent last weekend in its entirety in Idaho Falls, ID...AND SURVIVED!!!!

Even though my $3 bottle of diet coke tasted good, it didn't do a whole lot for my nerves. Seriously, like you wouldn't scared to be going to Idaho for the first time?

Whatever.

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This is me trying to 'find my groove' in Idaho, trying to commune with its nature in an attempt to commune with its people. I know Idahoans aren't cannibals, but I had some seriously irrational fears that they were gonna eat me alive. Or worse: turn me into one of them!

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As it turns out, Idahoans aren't that different from Californians. They have stupid promotions for students just like they do at the schools here. Except their wheels of gifts include ice scrapers (featured in the yellow slice of the wheel pictured above -- I think that was the most coveted gift).

-------------------------------------- The particular Idahoan I was visiting was most inviting and obliging and put me up in the Red Lion Hotel -- a tall towered hotel directly overlooking the Snake River and the Idaho Falls Mormon Temple. Seriously, this was my view every night. It was pretty freakin fantastic.

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After walking across the river and ending up on the opposite side of the hotel I was able to pick out my room! From the right hand side, my room was the third column left, and second room down. Yeah, the curtains are open. Nothing wrong with bein watched!

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In the parking lot of my awesome hotel I found this light blue Prius. Normally I just make fun of them and go on my merry way. However, this one had a cool webaddress AND Cali plates, so I was instantly at home and therefore required to take a picture. It turns out its these two guys doing a 48-state road trip across the country, which I think is pretty freakin awesome. I stillhave no idea how or why they ended up in Idaho Falls, but it was cool to see 'em. I felt emboldened --a little less Idaho vs. Cali girl and a little more "I RULE!"

--------------------------------- These are some of the coolest people in the state. Because of their un-Idahoan and awesome nature, I can't call them Idahoans because they are not traditional potatoes native to the region. All of them helped make my stay memorable, fun and definitely entertaining to say the least and I hope to partay with them again in the very near future

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One day we walked over to the temple across the river to check it out. As most of you know, I have this very ironic fascination with temples. When I lived in Happy Valley, the days when I couldn't take the Happy People a minute more, I would always drive out to my favorite temple. Anyway, this one kind of resembles a cake, and it is very awesomely situated. It totally got my stamp of approval.

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This is one of many cool shots I got on the walk over to the temple across the river. I heart ducks and geese and all things water, so this was overwhelmingly awesome for me to experience. Plus I like taking cool pics too -- you can see the cake-like-ness of the temple in the background.

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As soon as I was picked up from the airport by my chauffeur for the weekend I was taken (as requested) immediately to a body of water (I was going through withdrawals). We hit up the Snake river where a railroad was and walked around for a bit and tried not to die while walking on the railroad tracks. It sounds un-hard now, but when there are big gaps between the wooden tracks and a giant river to catch you below, the task is somewhat daunting (and of course, lest we forget, where the F&*$ would we go if a train came).
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Here's another cool shot from our jaunt around the river by the hotel.

These are the actual and true Idaho Falls of Idaho Falls, ID. They're very loud

and very big, and mostly man made from what I was told. Still pretty cool though.

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Another artsy fartsy pic from our excursion on the railroad tracks. The distance between the wooden supports was the same while over the river, which is why yours truly had more than one panic attack about falling or getting a thigh caught. It was probably the one time in my life that I was grateful for having some extra junk in the trunk, cuz were I to fall through the gaps I'd bet my unborn children that my ass would've caught me. Fo shizzle.

Seriously though, I-da-Ho and its inhabitants are really quite lovely. I dig the rivers, the trees and the people. Anyone tries to tell me any different and I will be havin some words with you. All in all it was a great trip and an awesome opportunity to meet new people...and experience/survive/enjoy something that really really scared me.

Thank you Idaho & JROQ! I heart you mucho :)

Quote of the Day: You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun. -- Al Capone

Ken Lee!!!

2008-08-19T16:16:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if anyone else will find this nearly as hilarious as I did. I literally just sat at my desk cracking up for the past 5 minutes watching this over and over again. Probably because of two things: 1. I am insane and 2. I had a serious thing for Mariah Carey growing up. Her music taught my childhood heart and brainless head how to feel truly depressed and heartbroken. Yay.

No seriously though, I really did like Mariah -- and still kinda do. Stop judging me! The kid can sing, regardless of how many cheek implants she's had!

Quote of the Day: "The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced." -- Vic Gold

Believe it or Not - Updates!

2008-08-14T14:31:00.000-07:00

Home

Having moved into the parent's house officially 22 days ago on July 30, 2008, I have lasted approximately 21 days longer than I thought I would. So that's a good thing. There have definitely been some adjustments that needed to be made...and some that still need to be made (does pulling someone's hair to improve their opinion of you count as an adjustment? I'd like to add that to my 'to do' list...)

My dad was kind enough to have the cable piped into my bedroom and I shelled out for a DVR. I've had neither before. And I'm officially hooked...this whole recording your favorite shows while you're stuck at work thing is AWESOME. After hooking everything up a few days ago I politely said goodbye to my family and asked them not to be offended if they never saw me again.

It's not that I hate my family, because I really don't. Seriously. There are...aspects...that I don't exactly appreciate *cough cough* dirtysocksinmycouchcushions *cough* and additions that I'm not fond of *cough* callsfromMr.Creepy *cough*. But the solution is to just avoid these features at all costs and remove myself from the situation. (and by 'remove' I do not mean 'running away' but rather look at it as a favor to those who I'd be swearing at if I remained in the situation)

Truth be told - and those of you who have seen me lately know this - there have been some EXTREMELY excrutiatingly frustrating days. And if nothing else, this has been a lesson for me to remind myself that I'm not the boss of everyone, and just because I'm a control freak doesn't give me the right to control everyone around me. Living with my little sister is rough, but the bottom line is I am not her parent, and I am not responsible for her. That's my parent's job.

Long story short, between the cable, A/C, ceiling fan, and WiFi, I have no reason to be in any other part of the house and completely become a hermit, which is what was going to happen when I start school anyway, so no big deal.

Mr. Creepy

Not much to report as of late. He called the other night asking for his love-muffin (I don't know what their pet names are, but that's one I've decided to use from now on) and I politely told him she wasn't at home. It was awkward.

They talk on the phone for hours daily. Thank goodness for cell phones or I'd never get a call in edgewise. What they discuss I'm not entirely sure, but it sure takes a long time.

As far as the curfew goes...I'm not sure that's a word in their vocabulary. And even though I have "removed" myself from the situation, I'd be willing to bet some serious money that she doesn't care about the curfew and the parents don't enforce it. For right now it appears that she is not pregnant, and I guess that's good enough for everyone. *cringe*

School

I received a letter recently informing me that I'd been dropped from all of my fall classes because I'd forgotten to pay the fees. With everything that has been going on the past few weeks -- traveling, being traveled to, moving etc... -- I just completely forgot. I went to re-register yesterday and found out the anatomy class I wanted was full, as was the waiting list.
I'm still going to attempt to crash the class the first week of school and beg and plead to be added.

As far as my major goes, that is of course still completely up in the air. Shocker! However, I feel compelled to announce that I'm leaning heavily toward the medical field. If I can somehow pass, flirt and/or bribe my way through the chemistry, statistics and organic chemistry pre-requisites. The fact that there is a need in the field has made a big difference to me -- I don't want to be constantly wondering if I'm going to lose my job as an attorney because there are already 2 million too many in the state of California. Additionally, I've always enjoyed being a people person and learning about anatomy, so nursing or nuclear medicine is where I think I might be headed.

Quote of the Week

"Dad, what's feces?" -- overheard in Vegas bathroom

Viva Las Vegas

2008-08-12T12:01:00.000-07:00

I GOT MARRIED IN VEGAS!!!!!!

Just kidding.
You think I'm crazy enough to do something like that??? Okay, don't answer.

I did go to Vegas though, and it was pretty dang fun. I drove up Friday afternoon with my friend and her boyfriend and J flew in that afternoon. Upon my return yesterday my dad happened to ask what the weather was like, to which I answered that it was basically a preview of what's comin my way when I die. I also said that as long as there were blackjack tables and slot machines to go with the heat, I'd probably be just fine. It was seriously freakin hot though! I know, it's Vegas, SHOCKER that it's 100+ degrees. But still. It was take-your-breath away hot. It almost made hanging out inside the smoke-filled casinos worthwhile.

So we stayed at South Point -- none of us had stayed there before, but we had gotten a good deal and thought it looked like a nice place. We were not disappointed! The rooms were large and had a great view of the awesome pools below, everything was clean and there were minimal amounts of stupid people (which is no small feat in Vegas). It was about 5 minutes from the strip, which was totally fine with us. We had a car and the hotel had shuttle service to the strip, so all was well.

Most of you know my Vegas experiences basically include me, the Boy and the Girl being glued to blackjack tables, and occasionally switching it up and hitting some slot machines. And by glued I mean, adhesive-fied to the tables until all hours of the morning...to the point that when we finally go to sleep we see cards in our head and play $100 blackjack in our dreams. This weekend was very very different, as I knew it would be. And even though I only played a few cards and a few slots here and there instead of ad nauseum for two days straight, I still had a blast!

This weekend's activities included the Bellagio buffet & hotel, Mandalay Bay's Shark Reef, BODIES (Body Worlds exhibit at The Luxor), winning hundreds of dollars on penny slots, trying to sneak into the upper levels of the Luxor (we think the elevator - which is called 'the inclinator' goes diagonal, and we tried to go up but you need to be staying there and use your room card to use the elevator), playing 9 cards of Bingo at once, going in a hot tub in 100+ degree heat, avoiding scary crowds of drunk people and trying to sneak a cat into a hotel room.
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*create your own caption*

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When you walk into a dark space surrounded by black water and this is the first thing you see, you kinda pee a little. Or at least I did.
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Moon jellies!
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Close up of the suckers of a squid -- according to the disembodied voice guiding my tour, this particular brand of squid can grow up to several hundred feet, and its suckers can discern sweet, salty, sour and a whole bunch of other tastes that I didn't know about.
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J playing catcher

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Black tipped reef shark
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You know it's time to go back to the gym when

your chins won't fit in the frame of the picture.
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A lion fish -- there are toxic little spines in their top fins that

they use to paralyze prey
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Just say no to seafood

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Mr. Used-Car-Salesman "have I got a deal for you!"
-------------------------- Recovery stance after Bellagio buffet

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F won $250 from a Star Wars penny slot. Sweat!

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Entryway to the Las Vegas temple

----------------------------------- Why play blackjack when you can go to church?

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Bingo losers

---------------------------- One of the coolest features of the rooms we stayed in (aside from the down comforters and 42" plasma) was that the alarm clocks had iPod/MP3 hookups, so you could listen to your own music. For music addicts such as myself, this was quite awesome.

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The view from our rooms

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note to all: if you're feelin left out of the fun and want some Vegas memories of your own, I'm going again 8/22-8/25 and would love some company for the drive. Road trip, yo. High five.

Happy Humpday!

2008-08-06T14:34:00.001-07:00

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And last, but certainly not least...

Many of you heard what happened to my almost-new boxspring/mattress set when I moved from my apartment. Some of you can probably visualize what it looked like. Well, it looked a lot like this except perhaps not quite as disastrous (the boxspring ate it, but the mattress lives on!), and even though my experience wasn't as grandiose as this one, it still looked JUST as stupid and retarded.

note: according to failblog.org, the driver lived!

The Landlord

2008-08-06T10:21:00.000-07:00

A friend directe me to Will Ferrell's personal website today, specifically to view this video. As with any referral to 'check out this video!!' I was skeptical at best. Everyone just has their own idea of what is funny, and that's fine.

However, this particular video really was quite funny. There is some less-than-awesome language, just a warning.....but where it's coming from is part of why this video is so hilarious. Anyway, just thought I'd share. For more funny videos, and outtakes of this one in particular, go here.

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

California is Not the Promised Land

2008-07-30T10:15:00.000-07:00

As many of you locals experienced yesterday around 11:45 AM, there was a 5.4 earthquake, centered just outside Chino Hills. Being on the 21st floor of my office building at the time I think it felt worse because we were so high up and because the building is on rollers, which kept things moving longer after the initial quake had stopped. Still though, a 5.4 that close to home is nothing to sneeze at.

I like to think I have very few irrational fears...I'll do just about anything once, and most things twice if the price is right and there's a decent chance I won't die or become dismembered. But I gotta tell ya, as soon as the firm, dependant ground shakes enough to move an entire building with me inside of it, I am reduced to the rationale of a 4 year old. The first thought in my mind was along the lines of "this is SO not an awesome place to be right now" (swear words removed).

Sitting at my desk as the shaking started I struggled between diving under my desk or hurling myself in a doorway. Oddly enough, my smelly running shoes were under my desk and The Penguin was in the closest doorway, so I just sat at my desk with eyes wide, mouth open and arms up...not unlike the reaction I would have if I was being held at gunpoint, or what my little sister looks like when I ask her a question.

But I digress.

Experts are saying "The Big One" is not only for certain, but perhaps not that far off. An expert from CalTech cited in a CNN article today said that "Every earthquake relieves some stress. It's usually only a drop in the ocean. In other words, the amount of stress released by this earthquake is minuscule compared to the amount that's built up and is building up for the Big One when it happens some day in the future." In the same article the US Geological Survey said that "there is a 99 percent chance of California experiencing a quake of magnitude 6.7 or more within the next 30 years". AWESOME.

The Northridge quake caused major damage at a magnitude of 6.7, and its frightening to think what would happen with an even larger magnitude (for every tenth of a magnitude the quake is exponentially larger). Even though experts cited the lack of damage from yesterday's quake due to improvements and raised building codes (standards raised based on what we learned from the Northridge quake) anything is possible...and I'm thinkin no matter how awesome the reinforcements to the LA infrastructure are, an 8.0 would wipe out just about anything, or in the least render it useless for some time.

But take comfort, Southern Californians. "ShakeOut 2008" will save us all.

"The Great Southern California ShakeOut is a region-wide campaign geared to encourage residents, schools, businesses and organizations to get ready for big earthquakes, and to help residents prevent disasters from becoming catastrophes. The campaign calls on everyone to participate in the country’s largest earthquake drill that will take place at 10 a.m. on November 13, 2008.

Geological forecast studies have shown that an earthquake of a magnitude 7.8 is likely to occur in the next 30 years and would affect the majority of the City of Los Angeles. The ShakeOut scenario estimates that a potential earthquake of this magnitude would be a large-scale national disaster causing 2,000 deaths; 50,000 injuries; $200 billion in damage; and severe, long-lasting disruption."

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm kind of leaning toward the "A for Effort" grade, because at least they're attempting to make projections and attempting to help people prepare and raise awareness. The bottom line is when something that big happens, if you are lucky enough to not be buried in rubble or missing a limb, you will pretty much be on your own. And even then you might get stuck in some horrible situation a la the Superdome, which would be less than awesome. All this reinforces the fact that it's a semi-useful idea to have a "city wide plan", it's absolutely imperative that everyone have their own plan, with their own preparedness. While it's nice now to think of being the Good Samaritan, at some point in a disaster this large, it will come down to every man for himself...and those who were prepared will survive.

Or at least survive in style (I plan on throwing some designer impostor sunglasses, some cute flip flops, and a sundress in my 72 hour kit).

Okay this is starting to sound like a conference talk.

Bottom line: Get prepared. Or get the %&#$ outta here cuz you're gonna die.

Book of Hagerty, chapter 27, verses 1-5

2008-07-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

So here's a funny story.

--------------------

1 Once upon a time in 1997, my aunt and uncle who lived in Glendale decided to retire to Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Wanting to shed as much furniture as possible, they transferred their old couches to my parents, who in turn used them in their family room for many happy and wonderful years.

2 And it came to pass in 1999 that my parents found a need to remodel portions of their home. Much work, time, and money ensued. Nevertheless, the remodel was completed and they saw that it was good.

3 And it came to pass in 2007 that the reclining features of the couches were too full of nonsense to function and recline anymore. And the parents saw it necessary rid themselves of the reclining couches. And they sought to remove them through the doorways. Wailing and gnashing of teeth followed for a length of time, as it was discovered that since the remodel the doorjamb dimensions had been changed. And so the couches that once fit through the doors, did so no longer.

4 And it came to pass that stories of a brave young man known as The Burninator reached the ears of my parents, and they saw that it might be good. And in a dream they were told the only way to remove the dreaded upholstery was to destroy it completely and remove it piece by piece from the dwelling.

5 And on a hot Saturday in July of 2008, the Burninator appeared with all manner of tools and force and ripped the flesh from the couches. And he destroyed the bond between wood framing and metal recliner. And the Reenanator and Jaredator appeared with scimitars to aid in the war against the infestation. And so The Burninator had no mercy and was victorious over the gigantor infested upholstery. And the couches were removed piece by piece from the dwelling.

-----------------------------------------------------

Couch #1 -- Kip using his 'attitude adjuster'

----------------------------------------

Kip & Jared trying to disassemble the reclining portion of the couch

-----------------------------------

Couch #2, aka the 'slot machine' -- note: everything on the floor is

what was already there when we flipped the couch over

---------------------------------------

Couch #2 -- after splitting open the lining anything and

everything that had been residing in the couch exploded out

-----------------------------------------

Destruction!

----------------------------

Jumping up and down on the leftovers to compress

-----------------------------------------

Farewell!

2008-07-17T16:27:00.000-07:00

I'll miss you guys.

I have one week between the end of my summer M-Th class

and the start of Fall term. ROAD TRIP!!

High fives for everyone!

Million Dollar Question

2008-07-16T08:42:00.000-07:00

--------------------
What starts with 'e' and ends with 'clusive'?? hmm..

What's in a Name

2008-07-10T11:32:00.001-07:00

This post goes out to Kathleen & Dennis in Utah.

Finding it difficult to concentrate on work today I have found numerous activities to focus my attention on instead. In the midst of researching various universities and degree programs, "Before He Cheats" started playing on my iPod, and I was instantly reminded of how much my sister and her husband do not care for this particular artist.

They had told me about this one song she'd recently released, and while I am a fan of "Before He Cheats" (what!? I heart power ballads okay!?), the following definitely dropped my level of approval. When did good looks start to outweigh music and lyrics? I get it, the chic is hot, alright? I'd totally do her. But that doesn't make up for the fact that she's putting out horrible crap like this....it's absolutely inexcusable. It's so bad it can't even be considered a guilty pleasure like Brit Brit.

Indeed, Ms. Underwood...what have you done? Ya can't blame everything on the Cuervo...

--------------------------------

Last night, I got served a little bit too much of that poison, baby

Last night, I did things I'm not proud of

And I got a little crazyLast night, I

met a guy on the dance floor and I let him call me baby

[Chorus:]

And I don't even know his last name

My momma would be so ashamed
It started off, "hey cutie where you from"

And then it turned into oh no, what have I done

And I don't even know his last name

We left, the club, right around 3 o'clock in the morning

His Pinto, sitting there, in the parking lot, well it should have been a warning

I had no clue what I was getting into

So, I'll blame it on the Cuervo

Oh where did my manners go?

[Chorus]

Here we go

Today, I woke up, thinking about Elvis somewhere in Vegas
I'm not sure how I got here

Or how this ring on my left hand just appeared outta nowhere

I gotta go take the chips and the Pinto and hit the road

They say what happens here, stays here, all of this will disappear

There's just one little problem...I don't even know my last name

Oh my mama would be so ashamed

It started off "Hey cutie. Where ya from?"

And then it turned into "Oh no! What have I done?"

And I don't even know my last name.

What have I done

Oh, what have I done

I don't even know my last name

Well it turned into, oh no what have I done

And I don't even know my last name

Yea, Yeah, Yeah

I don't even know my last name

It started off "hey cutie where you from"
And then it turned into, oh no what have I done

And I don't even know my last name

Oh, yeah

Only in Utah...

2008-07-08T11:07:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I spent the last 7 days in Utah with my brother visiting my sister and her husband. Having lived in Utah for almost 2 years myself I am very aware of the many things that are unique to this region. However, I was reminded just how many unique things there are to this region and just how unique, those unique things are. Okay, overusage of unique (-200 points!) sorry. Anyway, here are some things that you will most likely not find anywhere else...

--------------------------------Los Hermanos -- In my top three of best mexican restaurants, if not #1. The food is quite good, but the chips & salsa are THE best, which may be the only reason it gets bumped up to #1. Moreover, it is extremely reasonable, you definitely get more bang for your buck. The only downside is that I'm fairly certain they put some sort of addictive additive to their salsa that causes you to ingest large quantities without realizing it.
---------------------------------------

The ground was absolutely covered with casings. From the looks of it, someone had recently had some fun with shotguns based on the leftover targets we found and everything on the ground. I'm sure its possible there are places like this in California where people go to shoot firearms, I've just never seen it. Hence, in my mind this sight to be seen is only in Utah.

----------------------------------

This was a flyer taped to the handrail of one of the apartment buildings I used to live in. Here in California I get flyers all the time on my car, door, apartment complex -- but they're mainly for pizza, strip clubs or entertainment parks. Let it be known, I'm not knockin this one, I'm just clearly stating that absolutely ONLY in Utah would you see a flyer like this.

---------------------------------

Visiting another old apartment complex (Alpine) I used to live in, I saw this flyer advertising monthly rental rates for apartments. For those of you who have never lived in BYU housing, or Utah here is the lingo explanation: "shared" rates = sharing a room with someone, "private" rates = room by yourself, but still sharing an apartment. I pay $850/month for my one bedroom in California, and even THAT is considered an incredibly smoking deal that most people would sell heroin for. $110/month is.....just absolutely insane. That's like crackhouse living.

------------------------------

And here is the reason why it's only $110/month: it's held together by duct tape. While most complexes have their parking beneath the structure and underground, Alpine does have their parking under the structure, but above ground. Thusly, the structure itself is supported by thin poles, giving the appearance of this large building on stilts. My friend that visited these apartments with me also used to live here and once heard a rumor that someone had fallen through their shower into the parking lot below. I don't think it's a rumor.

---------------------------------------

Last, but certainly not least....this is definitely one of the best things unique to the Wasatch region -- my amazing sister and her husband. As much as I kind of detest and make fun of Utah sometimes, these people made this state awesome and totally worth a visit.

Thanks again to them for a spectacular time filled with new memories, even more laughter, and for sparing my pelvis the pain of a dogpile. I think you guys might be growing up finally! I had such a great time. I don't laugh with anyone else the way I do with my siblings...it's just very different....in a very special semi-retarded way. But it's still awesome.

Stay posted for more pictures from the trip to be posted shortly...

Welcome to Utah

2008-07-08T10:51:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Utah: the home of very special drivers and very special laws

-----------------

Aaron got smart and brought his laptop, I got smart and brought my adapter to pipe the sound in through the car speakers and ta-da! Instant movie theatre! I watched The Sword in the Stone on the way up and Aaron continued his new addiction to LOST on the way back!
-------------------------------

I always know we're getting close when I see the Toquerville sign...I don't know why, it just always struck me as a funny name for a city...
------------------------------
One of the best parts about Utah -- endless mountains and beautiful canyons.
-------------------------------

Ah, one of the many faces of addiction. It sucked pretty bad for the first several days (and still kinda sucks a lot) and this is the face I constantly felt like making. I got kinda angry a couple of times and took some pictures flipping off the camera, but they were 'accidently' deleted.

8 days and counting...

------------------------------

Provo River -- not quite the ocean, but still pretty awesome

------------------------------

The Hagerty short bus

---------------------------------

Shameless self portrait. This is what happens when I'm given too much time to myself, vanity inevitably ensues. Usually accompanied by stupidity...but I got lucky this time.

------------------------------------

After an insanely awesome lunch at Tucano's we rolled our way to a furniture store and found really awesome recliners. This was a motorized one that helped you up for when you're too full of Tucano's to move! Very useful.
-------------------------------

We heart recliners

----------------------------------------

"cavity" a la Sculpturades

----------------------------------------------

This would be the part of Spaz Uno where I was trying so hard to get a candid shot of everyone slapping themselves that I totally lost and had to take a rather large pile. Sadly, it happened even when I wasn't trying to take pictures. I FAIL!
-----------------------------------------

This was a choice scene -- Dennis' brother, Aaron and their friend Quincey (who is very reminiscent of Kip). Quincey was playing with Aaron's earlobes, which are very flippy and flexible, which is how he got his nickname of Lobes. It's a lot funnier in person, I swear.

----------------------------------------

The hallway of one of my old apartment buildings, Alpine....

nothing says BYU housing like 70's bubble railing

------------------------------

Jared, the ultimate game-keeper/addict came down from Idaho with a bunch of fun new games, and oldies but goodies. For Sale was a fan favorite -- a quickie card game of strategy and easy to learn, with Pandemic coming in as a close second -- a cooperative game where players work with each other to defeat viral outbreaks across the world! Surprisingly difficult, but fun.

-------------------------------------

Thanks to Jared and Dennis for having guns and for some reason letting me fire them. I forget which rifle this one is, but Dennis' nearly took my bicep out and knocked me over. It was freakin awesome. No, I dd not hit a single target with this gun.

-----------------------------

Jared and his very special rifle and very pretty face

-------------------------------------

Don't mess with the Hagerty's/Wilsons!

We'll bare arms, aim, and completely miss you,

but we'll make scary faces the whole way through.
------------------------------

Sisterly bonding -- sweating and trying not to go deaf. High five!

------------------------------------

We rule!

-----------------------------------------------

5 adults + rifle that won't fit in full trunk = extremely full back seat. Plus side: no seat belts needed! In other news, I sat passenger front seat with my knees up to my gums proclaiming that if we got into an accident the back seat wouldn't go anywhere, but I would be decapitated. And by decapitated I meant knee-capitated. Yeah I know, it was a lot funnier when I said it.

------------------------------

Mmm....Sonic grape slushees....He got two gi-hugic (they were seriously large) ones to store in the freezer, but was a little overzealous in picking away

at the frozen treat and broke his styrofoam cup

----------------------------------------------

The falls at Bridal Veil

------------------------

My mother bought this apron for my sister and since I was making spam stroghanoff and had to wear it. (yes folks, I said spam. If you know my family, then you know this is a dang good dish even if you don't like spam) I got so excited about wearing the apron that I let my extra chins show in the picture. HOT.

-----------------------------------

"the wheels on the bus go....DEHRRR..."

-------------------------------------

Another shot from the Alpine loop drive

Compensating?

2008-06-25T10:55:00.000-07:00

More unfiltered goodness for your viewing pleasure...

more song chart memes

Lost in Quotation

2008-06-24T22:34:00.000-07:00

Here is an accumulation of the latest and greatest in awesome quotes.....I'm medicated right now, and thusly my filter is malfunctioning. Just an FYI for the weak of heart.

------------------------------------------
1. "Why don't you pull it out and then I'll pull it back in" (said by me to Quest while moving an awkward chest of drawers into Em & Aaron's new bedroom)

2. " *dropcrash crunch* Sorry!" (said by me approximately 14 times throughout moving process)

3. "Nothing says failure like a can of pepper spray in your face" (said by friend in reference to making a move on a chick. For the record I think I am misquoting this, as I recall the original line being much funnier, but I tried my best)

4. me: have you seen my car keys?
kip: no
me: I left them in your passenger seat. They're in your pocket now! My keys
are purposefully bulky! Hard not to see them.
kip: maybe I'm just really happy
*hurl*

5. me: I feel like someone choked me in my sleep, and NOT in the good way.
doctor: you have strep throat.
me: oh. right on.

------------------------------

It's True

Yes I have strep throat. I am still unsure how exactly one contracts such a horrible illness, but whatever. I can handle vomiting, I can handle bronchitis, but when my throat is so swollen that the pain wakes me up at night and it hurts when I'm just lying down, that's the end of the rope for me. I cried like a gassy baby this morning because it hurt so bad. I know, what a wuss. It was partially leftover emotions from the weekend, but I still felt retarded. I would rather have hemorrhoids for a month than have this ridiculous pain right now. Seriously, it's that bad. On the upside, due to being highly contagious, I've been told to avoid work for a few days, even though I should start feeling better as early as tomorrow.

Maybe Not True

My bro and I both took all of next week and part of the following week off to take a road trip and visit the Utah sibling and husband. We were both rather excited about the prospect of having a proper vacation of doing nothing, seeing beautiful things, and hangin with the sis. Now I'm kind of unsure as to the status of that trip...I'm hoping I'll be back to normal by Friday, and after my bro's debacle in the hospital over the weekend, I'm hoping he'll be good too. I want to go with him and have sibling time, but I can't really postpone things too long because summer term starts soon. Additionally, I found out today we got in a $30M audit at work (to put into perspective, a $1M audit depending on the picky-ness of the client can take between 8 - 12 hours or more). Sometimes on big audits like this, they need a quick turnaround of one or two weeks, which is next to impossible for something of this magnitude. If that is the case, then I will most likely not be taking my wonderful trip next week. Which sucks, because I was really looking forward to hearing my sister and her husband do high fives.

Very True

I heard a few tracks off the new Coldplay album. It is quite impressive, much more than I had thought it would be. I normally wouldn't have even given it a thought, but someone told me to check it out and I did. 'Violet Hill' in particular is quite good. I recommend it if you need something new to add to your library.

This is how they do it!

2008-06-18T00:45:00.000-07:00

I've always been amazed at the number of people who have degrees. Well, less so the quantity and more so the quality of people that have degrees. There are some SERIOUSLY special people out there who have managed to get bachelor's and even master's degrees in a variety of subjects and still manage to be stupider than most 10th graders. They end sentences with prepositions, create adverbs and new words altogether, use homonyms incorrectly, and are immune to words longer than three syllables. While I have the unfortunate opportunity to work with such people occasionally, I must admit it continuously gives me the encouragement I need. If THEY can do it, then I can DEFINITELY do it. And I'm no genius.
I've often joked that people such as this buy their degrees off ebay or fabricate it some way. Today in my junk email I figured out how it's all done.
------------------------------
Bacheelor, MasteerMBA, and Doctoraate diplomas available in the field of your choice that's right, you can even become a Doctor and receive all the benefits that comes with it!

Our Diplomas/Certificates are recognised in most countries

No required examination, tests, classes, books, or interviews.

** No one is turned down
** Confidentiality assured

CALL US 24 HOURS A DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK

For US: 1-718-989-5740
Outside US: +1-718-989-5740

"Just leave your NAME & PHONE NO. (with CountryCode)" in the voicemail

our staff will get back to you in next few days
---------------------------
If I weren't so afraid this was one of those phone scams where they run up your phone bill somehow I'd totally call. If anyone has the courage to give it a call, let me know what happens. I'm very intrigued!

FAILED Again!

2008-06-12T09:52:00.001-07:00

Okay, sorry but I saw some other ones that were too funny to pass up. Enjoy!

PS: In other news, I had an extremely vivid dream last night where I told off the Penguin and completely yelled at her. And because it was MY dream, everything she said she left herself wide open for critiscm and totally walked in to every insult I had. It was awesome!! Well, until her daughter showed up in my dream and I started to feel guilty for bringin her down in front of the kid.

Guilt: truly the gift that keeps on giving. Even in my freakin dreams!!!

more funny fail pictures at FAIL Blog
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more funny fail pictures at FAIL Blog
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more funny fail pictures at FAIL Blog
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more funny fail pictures at FAIL Blog
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more funny fail pictures at FAIL Blog
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more funny fail pictures at FAIL Blog
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more funny fail pictures at FAIL Blog

You FAIL!!!

2008-06-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

No, I personally didn't fail, well not school anyway. Although if anyone had had a camera Monday night they could've captured some pretty awesome Reena failures in basketball.

But I digress.

The following are from a site called failblog.org. I was amused, and thought you guys might be too. Plus I'm trying to make up for not posting for so long. I know you guys were all going through withdrawal fo' shizzle.
----------------

-------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------

An Inconvenient Vomit

2008-06-11T10:13:00.000-07:00

I received an email this morning that made diet coke come out of my nose. An old friend from high school recently got back in touch with me, so we've been emailing back and forth and this is what awaited me this morning...
----------------------------------------
So I have to share with someone this morning's pregnancy moments.

So what all pregnant women dread -- I'm sure -- is vomiting at an inconvenient time. Well, I woke at about 4 AM feeling very nauseous. It would have been great if I'd thrown up then. Jason would have been there to help. I would have had lots of time to clean up and pull myself together. But no, I went back to sleep trying ignore the feeling. When I woke up later I felt better but not completely. This isn't unusual for the morning -- and well it isn't unusual for any time during the day. I took my "morning sickness" remedy for the morning, put together my breakfast and headed out the door. I was trying to comfort my stomach with saltines.

I got about half-way to work when I began to feel worse. I had just passed the an exit when I realized that I was going to throw up. The next exit wasn't for another 2 miles.

Do I pull over and throw up along the shoulder?
Do I throw up in my purse, trying to contain the mess?
Do I just let it fly where it might?

I then realized that I had a full-size empty envelope in the back seat. Perhaps that could contain the volume of liquid about to spew forth. So I grabbed it just in time and began to vomit into the envelope. Well that held for about 30 seconds at which time the seal broke and it spilled out onto the passenger's side seat. I continued to throw up until my stomach was completely empty. At this point I felt better but my car and clothes were a mess. I called work to let them know that I was going to be late -- making up some excuse about car problems.

I turned the car around. I headed for home and had to clean the car out, change, and shower before returning to work. That has been my morning so far.

Fun, huh? Aren't you looking forward to the day when you too can be pregnant?

Have a good one.
------------------------------

Not that vomiting is ever a convenient action, but this one takes the cake. This is worse than the time I was trying to do a 'cleanse' and downed 4 glasses of warm salt water before going to work and then hurled it in the parking lot on my way to the elevators.

Vomiting in an ENVELOPE?! My kudos go out to her for being resourceful. Heaven knows I would've just opened my window and prayed the air circulation didn't force it back into my face.

I am vaguely reminded of a time when low had to throw up in the car one morning and I think he said he yakked in a can of soda? I could be wrong...but that's pretty gifted, as the hole in soda cans are considerably smaller than the hole that vomit is coming out of.

Well guys, three cheers for being pregnant, the things women go through to bring life into this world: vomiting, gaining weight, and as one friend described breast-feeding: sandpapering your nipples.

Men, be grateful you don't have a uterus.
Women, use birth control.

Updates

2008-06-10T12:03:00.000-07:00

Sister & Mr. Creepy

Not too much to update, although I was told last week by mom that my parents sat the infamous couple down together to lay down some ground rules. One of them being an 11pm curfew, which I guess my sister already knew about but wasn't adhering to. They also indicated that they expected my sister's grades to remain in good standing.

At this point I asked eagerly if they'd discussed the "S" word. I forget how I worded it (you must be creative with wording these things around my mom or she'll blush and change the subject faster than my sister can empty a tube of Pringles). I reminded her that "no one is above temptation" -- an infamous line I remember being said REPEATEDLY to me while I was growing up. I also remembered "the holy ghost goes to bed at midnight", or maybe that was when I was living in Utah. Either way I fired away with these sayings, to which she replied that my parents had made it clear that they expect both halves of the couple to adhere to the moral policy of the house and the way my sister was raised.

My mom also said she trusted Mr. Creepy, which creeped me out even more. I asked her why she automatically trusted him, and she answered, but my either my selective listening kicked in, or the response wasn't worthy of remembering. I told her that when push came to shove, if my sister were asked to do something against her beliefs, if it meant keeping Mr. Creepy around, she'd probably go for it. Which may have freaked her out, but hey, I'm just tellin it like it is.

Other item of note is that I was told my sister wants to get her driver's license. You know what an awesome driver I am, and how much more awesomer I was years ago, so just multiply that with the awesome sister factor of 20x, and you can imagine our thoughts. Oddly enough, I think it's a good idea...if she is found able to manage the rushed decision making of driving, then I think it could be an important step in the growing up process. I'm alone in this thinking, but I'm hoping eventually others will come around.

Le Office

It still sucks. Then Penguin Effect has lessened slightly and amazingly my grudge is slowly growing smaller. Even if the grudge diminishes to next to nothing, the Penguin will still be in effect, which means I will still be tortured and/or the grudge will grow back. On the upside, work has appeared to have slowed down to a manageable pace, finally.

Since my coworker has broken her ankle and has it all casted up, I've been picking her up for work in the morning, which has me getting up earlier than on-time, and early to work as well. Unfortunately this means more hours clocked with the Penguin, but it also means I get to leave earlier too.

All in all, not bad. I asked for my longevity back recently, and the managing partner decided to award it to me, which gave me an extra week of vacation per year plus an unexpected longevity bonus. In the year or so left I have before I transfer, the vacation time will be crucial to my continued survival of this place.

My Education, aka how to BS Your Way Through a Junior College

As of today, I have 28 transferrable units (out of the 60 I need to transfer) and hopefully still have a 4.0. There was one class this semester that I may end up getting a B in, but oh well. Considering I just started my college career last February, I'd say being halfway done by now is pretty awesome.

I'm taking a quickie English class in the summer semester (4 weeks, but full units) and then a human anatomy class in the fall. Oddly enough, I enjoy both of those subjects quite a bit, so it should be good. I still don't know what I'm going to major in, and I still don't know what I want to do with myself. I'm just gonna keep taking these retarded GE's, bribing teachers, and hope I get an epiphany soon.

In Other News

It has been rumored that I have been thinking about the unthinkable: moving back in with my parents. And of course lest we forget, my little sister. There was a time when my privacy and sanity was worth more to me than saving money for school. That time has officially passed. Realizing how silly it would be for me to go into debt for an undergrad education while I'm working full time, I decided it would be prudent to save as much as I can to pay for my undergrad by myself, and save the ridiculous loans for grad school. The idea is to live at the parent's house, and have the money I would have been spending on rent and utilities automatically deposited from my paychecks, so I don't see it and won't have the chance to buy all the fun new toys I want.

I had this discussion with my parents last night explaining my little plan to see what they thought. I wanted them to know they had a choice and were by no means obligated to take me back in. I'm one hell of a stressful child, and I know they certainly have enough on their plate. My dad was all for it -- I love my dad. He didn't hesitate, said it was a great plan, and when did I want to move in. My mom, however, said that there should be some 'provisions'. They discussed the idea of having a curfew for me (WWWWHHHHAAATT!?!!) and decided I had proven my level of responsibility through age (DAMN STRAIGHT I HAVE!!!! AS IF!!!). The other 'rules' were that had to take a turn cooking one night each week...and last, but certainly not least, I have to attend church. Yeah, I laughed too. Oh well, it'll be good for me.

Nothing like forced faith, right? :)

I picture them saying to themselves "if we can force her to go to church, then she'll stop being evil by osmosis, she just simply won't have a choice and the evilness will be sucked out of her. DEMONS OUT!!!"

What can I say? It's going to be really interesting folks. Stay tuned.

PS: I'm waiting until my brother and his wife move out (to whom I have told to take their time), so rest assured I'm gonna be living it up at my place while I still can!

I'm Baaaack

2008-06-08T00:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, as the title of this blog indicates, I have returned to the world of the living. I had to disappear for a few weeks and pull some papers, final projects and good test grades out of...well, you know where.

Only time will tell if it was all worth it. I cut it a little close this semester, even a little too close for me and it seriously sucked. I got home last night around 11, knocked out at midnight, woke up today at 12 and fell back asleep around 2 this afternoon. Tired is a serious understatement.

I was so tired this week that instead of turning in the CD containing my backup files for a final project, I turned in a CD that had backup files from laptop. This wouldn't have been a problem if the CD had just had some random documents on it. It had a bit more sensitive material on it.

Yesterday after work I met up with my teacher and exchanged CDs. Shortly thereafter I went to pick up a friend and then head back to work to play some cards. While waiting for my friend I was turning around in their incredibly tight parking lot and ended up taking out the driver's side tailight of a Chevy Trailblazer. I also made a really pretty gash on his bumper. Not awesome.

On the plus side, I broke even in cards and slept like a baby all day today. Other good news is the damage to the dude's car (who was really quite nice about the whole thing) is only about $200. Other excellent news is the semester is over, I'm free for the next 6 weeks, one of which will be spent on vacation and away from the Beast (new nick name for the Penguin).

It has come to my attention that there is an alarming number of movies that I haven't seen. LOST is over, school is over, and my social life has been over for quite some time, so now is the primo time for me to get all caught up. Let me know if you have any to add to my list...

No Country for Old Men
Pride & Prejudice (Kiera Knightly version)
The English Patient
Crash
Atonement
Sweeney Todd
In The Valley of Elah

Sawyer Sawyer Locke

2008-05-20T14:36:00.001-07:00

In my quest for more LOST goodness I ran across this little morsel of silly-ness.

I think it might be one of those videos that might only be funny because the 5 I watched before it weren't. I dunno. You be the judge.

I must say, the song is stuck in my head now. Stupid chipmunk voice.

Five for Friday

2008-05-16T15:27:00.000-07:00

I have heard quite a few funny things lately, but unfortunately when I don't write things down, I always forget them. Unless I repeat them over and over to myself. And sometimes not even then. The Penguin Plague has hit particularly nasty this week and I have found myself dwelling on those comebacks and situations instead of the task at hand. So to you, my dear readers, and myself, I apologize (heaven knows it's not healthy to dwell on that crap).

Anyways, I was saving up a bunch of really good one liners/phrases I'd heard lately for a nice funny post, but now I only remember a couple. But I digress....here are the 5 that I remember:

1. "Destiny is a FICKLE B#&$%!!" (said to John by Ben on LOST two weeks ago)

2. "I wish the effects of alcohol could last forever and every day" (words spoken by loyal coworker after 3 champagne something-or-others at Cheesecake Factory over dinner, after an extremely long work week)

3. "mangled by your own stupidity" (as in some numbnuts forgetting to put the parking brake on in the driveway, leans out the door to pick up the morning paper, and runs himself over. There are several examples where this phrase could be applicable, I'm sure you can even think of some from your own life.)

4. person: "I wish she'd just go to bed permanently"
me: "Sad part is if they did I think I'd feel sad for like 10 minutes, but in the long run I think I'd be a happier person"
person: "That's called Stockholm Syndrone." (Stockholm Syndrome is where captives begin to feel a sense of sympathy for their captors regardless of the ordeals the captors have put them through)

5. "I don't hate you because you're fat. You're fat because I hate you." (one of THE best lines in Mean Girls - yes I will fully admit to having watched, memorized, and even owning this Lindsey Lohan movie. If you haven't seen it, it's hilarious.)

On another note, I feel compelled to rant about how awesome music is. I'm prepping for a final concert this Sunday so I've been practicing and listening to rehearsal tracks all week. It has been a privilege and a pleasure to rehearse with talented people and I cannot even express how exhilerating it is to sing with an orchestra backing you. I am very excited about the concert, and at some points this week, it has been the only thing keeping me going. Most of you know I have headphones attached to my 80% of the day anyway, and I never drive anywhere without music. It is truly amazing how much it can improve the day, improve my perspective and upgrade my mood no matter how much the Plague plagues me. So if you haven't listened to anything good lately, dig in your library and find something. It does a soul good.

Here's what today's Friday afternoon mix consists of....

1. If it Makes You Happy -- Sheryl Crow

2. Country Grammar -- Nelly

3. Learning to Fly -- Tom Petty

4. Made -- Incubus

5. Get Low -- Lil' John

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

35% down, 65% to go...

2008-05-12T17:55:00.000-07:00

DEAD AT 79

cancer

Here are the interesting percentages...

WHY YOU DIE?
56% cancer
24% ulcers/bowel toughness
13% overdose
5% drowning of the lungs
2% wounds

Also interesting, it said "you have no more health and vitality than the average woman" and, in fact, according to this I will live one year longer than the average woman. Fabulous. One more year of senility and stubbornness. With any luck I'll be married so I can annoy someone besides myself at that lovely age.

Operation Creep

2008-05-02T14:46:00.000-07:00

On their lunch hour, most people, well, eat lunch. Some work out, some shop, run errands, run home for a quickie...you name it. I usually do one of the above.

But today was different.

I went to my parent's house to eat some free leftovers and watch Top Chef (they record it for me every Wednesday while I'm in class). I grabbed a diet coke, went to sit on the couch and what do I find...

A card addressed to Mr. Creep-Mobile.

DUH DAH DUUHHHH!!!!!

So what do you do when you find a secret card addressed to a sibling's person of interest?

YOU STEAM IT OPEN!!!

I want to go on record saying that I have NEVER done this. I've only seen it done in the movies and had no idea if it would actually work. Moreover, I had absolutely no idea how much time I had alone in the house before someone came home, so I thought boiling water would take too much time.

I heart microwaves.

So I put some water in a small glass bowl and microwaved for 2 minutes. I gently placed the envelope on top of the bowl and shut the door. This got me half way there. Still feeling pressed for time, I started the microwave again with the envelope inside and on top of the bowl.

SUCCESS AT LAST!

My heart was pounding, my eyes constantly flickering from the front door to the back door checking for any movement. Of course, had someone actually walked in I have absolutely no idea what I would have done. Thankfully that didn't happen.Realizing I had succesfully opened the envelope without incident, I discovered the completion of my operation was only 50%. I still had to find some way to close the dang thing back up. Again, having never done this, I obviously didn't plan ahead and didn't account for the fact that I was doing this operation in my parent's house, the house of 'the nothing', the house where you never find ANYTHING. I swear, there could be a million dollars in small bills in cash in their laundry room and you'd never find it or notice it.

Anyway, my pilfering through various cupboards and drawers yielded me with three options. An old tube of tile caulking, elmer's wood glue, and rubber cement, found exactly in that order. You can imagine my excitement at finding the rubber cement, I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

I opened the bottle and discovered the rubber cement and completely rubbered/solidified. No good. I tossed it. The wood glue had the same problem, and I didn't even try the caulking because it would leave an odor and wasn't clear. I threw them all away and began panicking.

I pilfered through drawers again and found a bottle of "goop" (literally that's what it was called), 'clear instant bonding adhesive'. JOY! True to form, and like everything else in my parent's house, the top was sealed shut with, you guessed it, adhesive. Sensing I was running out of time I used a serrated knife and just cut the tub in half in the center. It too had adhesified, cemented, rendered useless.

*panic attack #2 and extremely long stream of expletives*

I forced myself to calm the &$*% down, think rationally, and began practicing lines for the invetible. "what do you mean it's open?" "how strange!" "no, I didn't even notice that was there!" "what card?" "look! something shiny!"

I even contemplated taking it to the office and shredding it.

AND THEN............

*epiphany* My sister-in-law is crafty. This means she has crafty things like glue! I ransacked a small stash of crafty thingies in the dining room until I found the salvation I was looking for.

Little clear dots of glue that are invisible and seal perfectly. Well, at least until the envelope is steamed again anyway. *breathe huge sigh of relief*

My little escapade into the realm of insanity and over-protectedness left me exhausted and slightly guilty. Upon first seeing the card I of course suspected the worst -- she was writing him to tell him she was pregnant or had some gnarly disease. I can't divulge to details of what was in the card -- hey, ya gotta respect privacy, right? -- but it was nothing of what I'd feared. It just confirmed to me how much she does care about Mr. Creep-Mobile, and how happy she is that he came into her life. And while I hope that he reciprocates feelings on the same level, I realized what a heartache she's in for if things don't work out with this guy. Moreover, the pessimist side of me also sees the potential for her to say yes to just about anything just to make him happy, and keep him around as long as possible. Which is not awesome. I guess things will have to go whatever way they go and I need to stop being the scary intervening older sister.

Anyway, as my blog is my witness, I will not steam-open any more love letters unless they're my own. I also promise to not read her emails, even if she leaves her account open on the computer (yeah I did that a few months ago. COME ON!! SHE LEFT IT OPEN!!)

I'm exhausted. Some days I wish I could just do this...

CUIDADO!!!!!

2008-05-01T12:02:00.000-07:00

I think I just found my Halloween costume for this year. I could take bets on how fast you think I'd get my butt kicked. Unless...I made it look as awesomely bad as these pictures, then people might think that's how I am naturally. err....normally (for shizzle that ain't natural).

I can't claim credit for these photos, I have no idea who they are...only that they arrived in an email from a coworker and it was too awesome and hilarious NOT to share with everyone else. The title of the email was "Why Latinas Shouldn't Have Sharpies", and here ladies and gentlemen, are six reasons why.

I Heart The Office

2008-04-30T22:49:00.000-07:00

For those of you who may not have ever seen this show, I highly recommend it. If you have ever worked in an office environment then you can probably appreciate a lot of the humor. If you have ever worked in my office, then you know exactly how annoying someone like Michael Scott can be in real life. Three cheers for the writers' strike being over! The Office returneth! (thats what she said)

Creep Mobile!

2008-04-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

Okay. So a few of you are familiar with the saga currently going on with my little sister and a boy. She met him in an astronomy class in the winter intercession this year at school. Seemed like a nice enough guy. Nevermind the fact that he's my age (or possibly older) and looks like he's 19. Anyway, this guy is all she would talk about after they met -- how he invited her to a show at the planetarium at the college, how he got her this random incense thingy and a buttload of chocolate for Valentine's day, how he drives a restored yellow 'vette.

Blah blah blah.

It's not like I wasn't listening in the beginning (obviously, because I'm able to recall all of this) it's just that everytime she started talking about him I somehow always saw something shiny and became undeniably distracted. Odd, I know. About a month or so ago I actually met Mr. Vette himself. My sister had invited him over to the house to help him make her homemade ice cream since he had never done something like that before. They were chillin' in the dining room eating something my mom had whipped up when I walked in to borrow the piano for a few minutes. He's not completely unfortunate looking, but he's nothing to call home about either. In fact, if for some reason I needed to describe his features to a sketch artist, I wouldn't be able to. In the simplest terms, he just has a forgettable face and personality. Okay yeah, so shoot me for being so judgmental okay? I got nothin else to judge this guy on right now other than his looks.

After our first meeting I didn't hear anything for awhile, or see anything. Then again, I may have been on sabbatical from my parent's house (I go through odd phases when I get really busy and I never stop by) so maybe stuff was still going on. Anyway, I digress.

Last weekend my parents were out of town visiting my other sister and her husband in Utah. My brother and his wife who normally live at my parent's house were housesitting in La Canada, and thusly our youngest sister was left alone for a few days. On Sunday I happened to be in the area and had to pee really bad. So I stopped by to use the facilities, and who should be parked in my father's parking spot, but Mr. Vette (his car doesn't look nearly as good as the picture btw). This should be interesting. I walk up the back steps only to be greeted at the door by my sister (very odd). I walk inside. All the lights are off. (very odd). The fire is roaring (very very odd). And who is snuggling on the couch with a blanket, but Mr. Vette. I hastily use the facilities and say my goodbyes. At this point, the fire had been turned down, a light or two was on, and my sister and Mr. Vette were sitting on the couch sharing a blanket. *shudder*

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!!

Earlier this week my brother and his wife came home late one evening (11:45pm) and saw the 'vette parked out front. *collective shudder* Realizing that in situtions like these it is always best to give people as much notice as possible, my brother and his wife made as much noise as possible opening the front door laboriously and making a racket in the front entryway. Much to their suprise, the entire bottom floor was completely devoid of inappropriate behavior -- they weren't even there!

At this point in the story I immediately asked my sister in law if they'd checked my sister's bedroom. *stabbing out mind's eye* Thankfully, to which the answer was yes, but they weren't there either.

The next morning, my brother ran into my sister while making breakfast.

Bro: So Mr. Vette was over last night eh?
Sis: uh.....yeah
Bro: what'd you guys do?
Sis: watched a movie.....*mumbling*
Bro: when we came home at midnight you guys weren't here
Sis: we were at the park

*OHHHHHHH!!!!!! NOOOO!!!!! THEY!!! DI'INT!!!!!!*

We ALL know what happens at the park. Especially at night. At least the siblings in my family who grew up using the park as a refuge from prying parental eyes when we didn't want to get caught copping a feel with unapproved boyfriends, understand waht happens at the park at night. Later that day, my sister was overheard telling my mom how happy she was that she'd found her earring.

Mom: how'd you find it?
Sis: Mr. Vette and I found it together
Mom:... really? where was it?
Sis: at the park
Mom: how'd it come off?

At this point in the story I screamed out "HE PROBABLY SUCKED IT OFF HER EAR!!! CREEPY ASS OLD MAN!!"

I'm still not sure about the remainder of that conversation. I heard it second hand from my sister in law. The only thing I could glean from this entire story was that it appears my mother doesn't seem too concerned about anything....which, I guess I shouldn't be suprised. She never showed any concern with the boys I brought home (mostly because I learned my lesson from high school and only brought home boys that would at least pass the parental test). But this is different....this is my little sister. If you know my family and our history, then you know exactly what I'm talking about.

I kinda feel like he should be asking permission or something. Or at least making a greater effort to get on our good sides and reassure us that he's not going to usurp my sister's soul and drive off into the sunset in his crappy yellow vette leaving her barefoot and pregnant in the dust. I guess only time will tell.

In other news, at the elementary school down the street from my apartment, they're having some sort of fair/fundraiser. There's a ferris wheel and everything! There's also this dude with a microphone -- I guess they're trying to raise money cuz he keeps shouting crap. It's very loud and interrupting my chi. Time to get outta here! The night is still young!

How Much Do Souls Sell For These Days?

2008-04-24T21:49:00.000-07:00

I figure the average soul, in "excellent" condition, can probably sell for $20k or so. I'm hoping that in "fair" condition mine will fetch at least $10k, perhaps $12k if I start volunteering at homeless shelters on the weekends and start giving bums my spare change instead of using them as target practice.

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Meet the 2008 Mazda Miata special edition. Premium 17" wheels, hard top convertible, "icy" blue metallic exterior with "saddle" brown leather interior. It's a feisty 6 speed manual with short throw shifter and comes standard with a Bose 7 speaker stereo system and 6 disc changer. I seriously dig this car, even though the blue color is somewhat disconcerting and more than a little girly. Unfortunately the special edition only comes in gay boy blue. This model the way I've configured it runs about $26k.Please to meet Volvo c70. A friend of mine at work has an earlier model of this and it looks way hotter in person than in this picture. By far the most impressive car of the three I've looked at tonight. Had a ton more options and packages from heated seats to brushed aluminum pedals, and auto retractable hardtop to ipod interface, and from keyless ignition to some insane bose audio package. Not to mention a crapload of other stuff that isn't crucial for operation, but makes owning the car *oh so much* more fun. The good news is it'll only set me back about $49k the way I configured it.
Last but not least, the 2008 Honda s2000. I have Casey to thank for the idea and addiction. This comes in a variety of colors, black exterior and red interior obviously being the coolest. Very sweet looking car... I think this one even came with an 8 disc CD changer. Pshaw. As if people actually use CDs anymore. It's all about the ipods. I tacked on a matching shiny black hardtop, security system, and a titanium shift knob, just because I liked the way that sounded (and it's probably VERY shiny!) And let's face it, in the grand scheme of $37k, another $100 ain't gonna matter. Boasting a 6 speed manual, short shifter and a really cool start button, this is definitely a cool car. Added bonus: does NOT come in gay boy blue.

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Okay so part of me wants to just go for broke, declare myself to be in some state of almost mid life crisis, sell a kidney and go for the volvo. Heck, even getting the new Mazda is expensive enough to be considered a mid life crisis event. With school being my primary financial investment right now, I can't in good conscience lay down and/or put myself in a great deal amount of debt. It's just not a smart thing to do right before you quit your job and become a full time student. And I'm a smart kid. Sometimes.

Every now and then logic, reason, and all smartness escape me and I do something ridiculously fun like getting my nose pierced, jumping off a waterfall, or in this case buying a frivolous car that exceeds my needs. The good news is, while the craving for a new ride, and the desire to fulfill my life's dream of owning a convertible seem insatiable at times, there are quite a selection of used models of all of the above at affordable prices. Prices that will still give me the fun car I want, but will only throw me into debt by six or seven thousand after my down and trade in. Not too shabby.

Of course, there's always the chance that I'll win the lotto and/or become an extremely highly paid escort and/or get a good deal on one of my kidneys, in which case I'm totally getting the Volvo. Don't worry, if you let me win at cosmic I'll take you for a spin. Muahaha.

Happy Friday!!

2008-04-18T11:06:00.000-07:00

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Slippery When Wet

2008-04-15T11:26:00.001-07:00

Whoo whooo!!

2008-04-11T00:12:00.000-07:00

It's fo decowration yo, all jus fo decowration. Jus like mah fake grill on mah teef.

I have been fortunate enough NOT to have experienced this phenomenon. Yet. I think it would kind of freak me out though. It sounds like the noise that the wraiths make in LOTR. Special thanks to Diablo Cody for making me aware of this new and frightening trend.

How Do You Like Your Eggs in the Morning?

2008-04-10T01:02:00.000-07:00

"Scrambled, or fertilized?"

I can't claim credit for the amount of awesomeness produced from this pick-up line. It's from the movie "200 Cigarettes", which funnily enough, I have never seen. Though my GBFF has repeated it to me enough that I have committed it to memory.

So I was watching this edition of Dateline on TLC the other day. It went "undercover" in exposing a woman who claimed she was pregnant and promised her unborn child to not one, not two, but an alarming number of couples. I actually lost count after the 5th crying wife. No joke.

I could not believe my eyes. The audacity that this woman has, the lack of conscience, the extreme mental illness that she had to possess in able to string these people along...is just absolutely alarming. We all think Sawyer on LOST is the hip, cool, con-artist, and we forgive him for conning people out of their money because of his blue eyes and exceptional dimples. And of course, lest we forget, he's just stealing people's money, not their hopes of children...which, I'm imagining, to a childless couple is greater than any amount of money. Here I am thinking I'm the one who's dead on the inside, and here's this snaggle-toothed (no joke, her teeth were very very special) droopy eyed Nashville-ian fatty who simply has no soul. It's like her body skipped the soul branch of the tree and hit the ugly branch a few extra times to compensate.

ANYWAY.

Oddly enough, my purpose for this late evening post was NOT to rant and rave about this wretched human being. This whole show got me thinking about surrogacy. I've read many articles in magazines, online, etc... where women talk about being surrogates, or 'hiring' surrogates. They even had an episode involving a surrogate for the gay couple on Six Feet Under (great show, if you haven't seen it, you MUST). When becoming a surrogate, you're basically renting out your uterus. Other people's genetic material are injected into you, and you just sit there and let things bake for 9 months. My mind began reeling.

Someone would actually pay me upwards of $20,000 in uteral-rent (plus medical and in some cases living expenses) to sit on my couch, watch Oprah, and sip lemonade. For 9 months. Or, if I'm feeling energetic, I can still work for six of those nine months and get paid my career salary on top of that.

DUDE.

Okay, I know what you're thinking: I've TOTALLY gone off the deep end. Rest assured, even though I am of child-bearing age and technically my "biological clock" is ticking away, I have absolutely no intention of becoming pregnant or carrying someone else's embryo for money. Call me selfish, but this uterus ain't for rent.

HOWEVER.

I hear a dozen o' my eggs are worth quite a bit more than the dozen you buy at the grocery store. Exponentially more, as a matter of fact. According to an article in USA Today, women are being offered anywhere between $5,000 and $50,000 (sometimes even double that, if you scored 1500 or higher on your SAT or are related to Cindy Crawford) for a 'donation' of 15 of their eggs. The companies harvesting the eggs claim that technically, they're not 'buying' the eggs, they're compensating the donors for their time and expense. Yeaaah.

Let's just put the ethics issue of 'buying' genetic material aside for now and focus on the meat and potatoes. Where do morals fit into all of this? Is it morally okay to give away your genetic material? Would it still be considered your offspring even though it was fertilized by someone other than your partner, and raised by a different couple? What about if they used your eggs for stem cell research rather than impregnating infertile couples? And perhaps the last and final question, if you were morally against 'donating' but the money was substantial, if they made you that offer you couldn't refuse, would you change your mind?

The important fact that we all keep forgetting though is this: even if you somehow were able to combine Cindy Crawford's body + Cicelia Bartoli's voice + Flo Jo's athletics + Georgia O'Keefe's artistry into one super-well rounded-perfect egg, if you fertilized it with sperm from someone like this...

it's still gonna be one ugly ass kid. And that should be morally wrong enough for everyone.

It's One of Those Daze

2008-04-08T16:03:00.000-07:00

Unbeknownst to myself, in the tornado that has become my living room, my fat foot or my fat shoe crushed my ipod charger/connecter thingy. I straightened the jack out and managed to make it fit back into my little shuffle, but it still won't charge or connect.

Today - almost like clockwork - the left earpiece on my headphones went out. I swear I'm replacing these things at least once a year. Anyway, my right ear is plugged so it doesn't do me a bit of good anyway.

I'm faced with quite a choice. The shuffle I paid $100 for almost two years ago is now only $50. And they don't individually sell the dock for gen 2 ipod shuffles. So I can completely replace my product for $50, or now that prices have gone down on other models, for $100 more I can get a refurb 30G video. Not too bad, eh? Is bigger really better though? My shuffle-pod is the size of a large postage stamp. I love it. It has a clip built into it so I can attach to clothes while working out, or to my seatbelt if I'm listening to it in my car via my tape deck. It doesn't have a display screen, so I don't worry about killing myself while I'm driving and trying to find my favorite playlist and/or song.

However, the 30G video-pods are sweet indeed. I borrowed one once for a plane trip. And believe it or not, watching Fight Club on that 2 inch screen really made the trip go by much faster. It's really quite awesome. The thought of downloading the latest episodes of shows that I never get to watch and then watching them at my leisure on trips, or in school, is quite appealing.

So yeah. I'm still sick and gross, and therefore incapable of making decisions. If you have an opinion or a pro/con I haven't addressed here re: the latest and greatest ipods, let me know.

Without further adieu, here's Tuesday's Tubular Mix. Or what I think it was anyway...my right ear is still plugged. Why is it always #5 that ends up being embarassing? I swear, just when I think I've gotten through unscathed, an irresistable MJ or BritBrit song will pop up and completely ruin my image. Whatever.

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1. Some Great Reward - Depeche Mode

2. Lessons Learned - Alicia Keys ft. John Mayer

3. Big Day - Tahiti 80

4. Dance Dance - Fall Out Boy

5. Remember the Time - Michael Jackson

Wonderful Wednesday

2008-04-02T15:57:00.000-07:00

I love Wednesdays...it's hump day. The race is half over. And for some reason that I can't go into detail here, the office is much more relaxed on Wednesdays. Anyway, aside from the fact that I've contracted the office cold (AGAIN!), it's been a fairly good day. You know how the first day of a cold you feel all....fuzzy? Kind of like you had one too many shots of Nyquil. Anyway, I've been totally out of it. I got a big headache project done this morning and that seemed to have used up all my available brain power, cuz I've been pretty useless ever since.

In other news, an attorney at my office asked for some help in uploading some photos from a CD to the web to share with family. After a bit of tutoring she caught on just fine and exlaimed that I was a genius. So all you readers out there who think I don't rule can go suck a lemon. I RULE!

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Here's my super-exciting mix for today... Don't knock #5 until you've heard it. It's positively addicting. In a semi-embarassing way.

1. Defying Gravity - "Wicked" Original Broadway Cast

2. An Honest Mistake - The Bravery

3. Paralyzer - Finger Eleven

4. The Step and the Walk - The Duke Spirit

5. Gimme More - Britney Spears

Fool me once...

2008-04-01T16:19:00.000-07:00

Whether or not my coworker can immediately appreciate the awesomeness of what I did to her today, I know that eventually (hopefully) she will. And that she'll stop plotting her revenge.

As most of you know, or may have figured out after the tenth email from someone telling you they're pregnant, today is April Fool's Day. And as most of you know, I rarely need an excuse pull a joke on someone, so when an entire day devoted to pranks comes along, you know I won't let any moment go to waste.

This morning was operation 'fired', as in, "you're fired". This is my coworker's desk before she was mysteriously called away by our boss.

And this is her desk after she got back. Unfortunately, I was caught in the act as my boss didn't detain her as long as I'd hoped. We did, however, remove in entirety her computer and all components, decorations, filing trays, work files...we got pretty much everything except the phone and the coffee mug.

I told her over and over again that this was just an opportunity to deep clean her desk, as it was now empty. Apparently she didn't agree.

Last but not least, this afternoon was operation 'sweet teeth'. I hit up the store on my lunch hour and purchased sandwich cookies and toothpaste. I then proceeded to scrape the white filling from the cookies and replaced it with white toothpaste. Even if you're looking for it, it's pretty difficult to tell the difference. The only way someone might be able to tell is if they try to pull it apart and find it stickier than the usual lard filling.

It is not uncommon for the island between my cube and my friend's cube to have treats on it, so the plate of sandwich cookies look completely harmless, even normal. Moreover, for any of you who know about the inner workings of my office, know that people here eat. A lot. And some people have a serious sweet tooth.

So far, as best I can tell, we've only nailed two people on my floor. One attorney picked one up as he walked by without even pausing before he threw it in his mouth and went into his office. We heard, rather than saw the effect. I set out a smaller plate on an island on the other floor of our office and am told no one has bitten yet. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

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I took the leftover cookies from work and stopped by my parent's house. I love my family for many reasons, but I loved them especially today because they are so freakin gullible. Like, as gullible as I am. I have never seen my brother spit something out of his mouth that fast. It was AWESOME.

Next year, I am committed to doing a more thought out prank, such as this. I have also seen a version where everything is removed and replaced with cardboard versions.

Relief...Finally..or is it?

2008-03-30T23:52:00.001-07:00

Better relief than preparation-H.

Seriously though, the addiction has to end. I both love and hate this freakin show. Because no one else owned it, because I didn't realize I could watch it online, but mostly because I HAD TO KNOW what happened next, I dropped $50 and purchased season 3 last weekend. I finished season 3 late Friday night and finished watching all season 4 episodes online tonight. As I divulged at game night earlier tonight, I am tired of going commando. Hey, Kip asked. Not my problem if you want to stab out your mind's eye now. I needed to do laundry last weekend, and have effectively avoided it all week. My apartment looks like a war zone: lost seasons strewn about, blankets, couch cushions, pillows, empty glasses and popcorn bowls, hot sauce packets, all littered with half of my wardrobe. It looks like someone was being chased by the smoke monster in my living room. And homework? Heh. Ohhhh yeah!! That's that thing that I do the last 20 minutes of work before I leave for that place where I pretend to be a student! I remember now... Oh, and work? I'm pretty sure my boss is with the Others, and I have a vague suspiscion that my assistant may not be precisely who she says she is. Her motives are unclear at present, but I plan to keep playing it cool and eventually get the upper hand.

In other news, my dreams of late have been quite interesting. Freakishly vivid more like it -- I feel Desmond in that episode where he's jumping between times. Hey...maybe that's what's happening!! I did get a nose bleed tonight... OR DID I!?!?!?!?

So thank you, Katie, Kip, Casey, and finally Quest and Stephanie for lending me seasons 1 and 2 and for this new addiction and all its trappings. I haven't felt this paranoid since I did drugs in high school. Just kidding.

OR AM I!?!?!?

Tubular Tuesday

2008-03-24T18:01:00.000-07:00

Here are the first 5 songs that greeted me via my ipod this morning. Not as awesome as having the barenaked ladies pop up twice in one shuffle, but better than having Britney Spears show up once.

On a side note, I have successfully dropped my accounting class. While this particular course is something I believe I can be successful in, I have realized that I don't have the time or attention span to take this course online. Unfortunately I've missed the drop deadline and now there will be a "W" on my record, but it's better than an F. Also, I can retake the course and whatever grade I get will replace the W, so all is not lost.

On another side note I ditched my choir class last night. Mondays are kinda rough for me lately, and I just couldn't bring myself to go to campus. I didn't go last week either because a friend of mine had gotten into a car accident and needed assistance. I checked my syllabus for choir, and I quote "two unexcused absences will lower your grade by two letters". That would suck SO bad to get a C in a choir class. That's just lame. I'm hoping my director will be lenient and succumb to my charms and give me an A. I might have to do the cookie bribe again. Hey -- don't knock it, it totally worked last semester. No one is above home made cookies. No one.
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1. Lie To Me - Johnny Lang

2. Rest Stop - Matchbox 20

3. Strange Times - The Black Keys

4. Accidently in Love - Counting Crows

5. Ave Maria - Franz Biebel, sung by the Robert Shaw Chorale

7 Things No One Knows...sort of

2008-03-24T15:29:00.000-07:00

Katie posted this on her blog and I thought it was interesting. Turns out it's harder than I thought to come up with 7 things that people don't know about me (that I'm willing to post on the internet). If you happen to know one of the seven, or if you've witnessed one of the 7 then you get a gold star on your forehead.

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1. Link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog.

2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.

3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.

4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
*******************************************
1. Despite all the sunblock in the world, as a child it was not uncommon for me to get second degree burns several times during the summer, often resulting in tiny blisters everywhere and peeling skin days later. This is one of the reasons for my family nickname of Reenie Red.

2. I have an unnatural fear of swimming alone in swimming pools. When I was young I was certain that pool drains connected to the ocean and that a great white would and could enter that way and eat me. Even though I know the truth now, I still won't swim alone.

3. All doors connected to my bedroom have to be closed before I can fall asleep.

4. I work on the 21st floor of my building and often daydream of throwing valuable things (computers, cameras, cell phones) off the balcony. And my boss.

5. I brush my teeth in the shower (after shampooing and during conditioning). I'm a hardcore multi-tasker.

6. I have never traveled any further east than Cleveland, Ohio.

7. I've swam topless in the ocean in the middle of the afternoon. Don't judge me. It was in Maui. Anything that stays in the sun long enough there eventually becomes topless.

Happy Belated St. Patty's Day

2008-03-24T14:59:00.001-07:00

Okay so I'm a week late in posting this. But that's what happens when the author of this blog has a week of major mental meltdown. Seriously, it was not pretty. I was pretty much rendered useless -- I could walk, sleep, and occasionally swear (to reassure people I wasn't losing my mind completely). Anyway, last Monday was St. Patty's day and true to form, my dear sweet mother reminded me how much she embraces our Irish heritage. And food coloring.

Ever since I was little my mom has been cooking up green dinners on St. Patty's day and it had been so many years since I'd eaten there on St. Patty's day that I forgot she still does it. She made green funeral potatoes (Mormon staple), green jello with pears (Mormon staple #2), and broiled skirt steak. Luckily she refrained from making a green reduction to put over the steak. Oddly enough for the vegetable she opted for sweet white corn instead of peas. Regardless of the suprising colors that greeted me in the bathroom the following day, it was a nice dinner and it reminded me that more often than not, it's the little things in life that count. The details. The jello was kinda runny, the potatoes had too many chives and the steak was burnt, but it was served on a really pretty table with plates that were once my grandmother's, and served on a table surrounded by my family. Moreover, it's a family that I don't hate, and I don't consider it a chore to hang out with them. I actually kinda like 'em. And that makes even the runniest jello and blackest steak worth eating. Over, and over again.

I didn't get a picture of it, but she also decorated the chandalier above the table with sparkly green garlands, miniature leprechauns and sprinkled the table with green shamrocks from See's candy, aka bitesize crack in chocolate form wrapped in festive foil.

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

2008-03-18T00:05:00.000-07:00

FINALLY, here are the pictures from my adventures in the sky. Thanks to a most improvising friend in recovering these from the memory card that I deleted all the pictures from hours after it happened. Once again proving that while I may be afflicted with an extraordinary case of dumbassness, most of the repercussions of said disorder can usually be remedied. :)

Also, thanks to all the awesome coworkers who contributed to this awesome birthday gift last year. This was one of the best afternoons of my life and I will never forget it. It takes a million years plus one to upload pics to the blog, so here are the highlites. If you want the full un-cut version, stop on by. :)

the street where I live! or at least the church on the corner

of the street where I live. Lankershim/Moorpark

There really is a D at the end of this sign,

I was just too retarded to capture it on camera

um...don't remember what this is -- LA reservoir? it was verrry pretty

the Kodak theatre (oddly enough I think it was the day of the Oscars!)

Sunset Boulevard

Wilshire Boulevard

Santa Monica Beach (there were quite a few people swimming despite all

the signs they have saying don't swim here because
you'll catch some rare disease and die)

101/405 interchange

the pretty red helicopter I went in

405 northbound over the sepulveda pass

I had to watch an entire video on the danger of this tail and how

if it's still moving you can't walk underneath it

because it will chop your head off.

complete euphoria. I kinda wanna become a pilot. I think the

friendly skies just got a whole lot friendlier.

Wow that would make an AWESOME slogan.

awesome.

The Irish love their taters....as do the Mormons

2008-03-17T11:53:00.001-07:00

Tiiiiii-iiiiiime is on my side....yes it is....

2008-03-06T00:19:00.000-08:00

I don't have time for a full fledged post, and let's face it: you guys probably don't have time to read my ramblings anyway :) so here's a condensed version of the happenings of late:

Someone in my mass comm class asked my friend how to spell Fidel Castro. Like, such as, and the Iraq. A person sitting next to me asked me for help because she couldn't figure out the answer on the quiz to this question: "While Christians celebrate Christmas, the Jewish holiday of __________ is celebrated".
I finally went on the helicopter tour my friends got me last year for my birthday. It was totally freaking awesome. I now want to become a pilot. No seriously, I'm looking into it. Although a good friend expressed some concern with me in the friendly skies given my driving record. I told the close friend to stuff it. :)
Shortly after said helicopter ride I managed to accidently delete every single photo I'd taken. I am THAT awesome.
I ran into the guy that plays the janitor on scrubs at a restaurant near my house. And by "ran into" I mean I saw him, I did a double take and immedietely huddled with my friends in intense whispering.
I also "ran into" Trish, from the show "Clean House" on the Style network. She's extremely short and had 2 inches of pancake makeup on. It was intense. I also noted that she had in her basket Special K, some dried fruit, and a bottle of vodka. I didn't know you could substitute vodka for milk in cereal.
I went to a bar in Silverlake tonight to see a band play with a friend. I felt incredibly out of place and old. Yes, I assure you everyone who is older than me, even people in their 20s feel old sometimes. The band was pretty cool, but I realized crowded bars with stupid people in seedy parts of Los Angeles are no longer my thing.
Everyone I know will be pleased to find out that I have officially become LOST. Or a Lost-ite or whatever you Lost fans call yourselves. An obliging friend lent me the first two seasons Sunday night and I've been fighting a sleep deficit ever since.
Ah, how far away the days of insomnia seem. Fighting the covers, punching pillows, and begging for the sandman to come. After 5 hours of fighting and 3 hours of sleep I awoke slightly cranky but still somewhat refreshed. Insomnia is no longer the problem. Leave me in any horizontal position long enough and I will fall asleep. I'm averaging 4 hours of sleep a night and have started abusing 5-hour energy shots as part of my morning ritual.
Online classes are great because you don't have to climb the hills of GCC campus, see people you don't want to see, and sit through boring lectures for 3.5 hours. The tradeoff, however, is that you have to actually still work. Perhaps even more because there's no one to teach you -- you read the book, do the homework and take the exams. And you have due dates. Due dates + addiction to Lost = problem.
Not to get all 'office space' on here, but I'm part of the 'planning committee' at work. Stop laughing. It's actually kinda fun and lets me be creative, but like everything else, it does take time. Planning committee + school deadlines + work deadlines + Lost addiction = big problem.
And last, but not least: the gym, my body, my motivation and the love/hate triangle we share. For the record, I really do enjoy going to the gym. I always feel better after I've worked out. Unfortunately time management is key for me these days. So here are the final numbers: event planning (1.5 hours) + school (4 hours) + work deadlines and overtime (9 hours) + gym (1 hour) + Lost addiction (2 hours) = 17.5 hours. Give or take. Every day. Monday through Thursday. And I wonder why I can't squeeze in 8 hours of sleep

Okay so it ended up being a long rambling post anyway. If you're still reading and already missing those 5 minutes you spent reading that you will never get back, it's your own fault. I can't help it if you're addicted to my awesome-ness.

Anyone Know a Good Fortune Teller?

2008-02-21T17:31:00.000-08:00

1. Top Executive
2. School Administrator
3. Operations Manager
4. Attorney
5. Dentist
6. Translator
7. Pharmacist
8. Sociologist
9. Technical Sales Rep
10. Technical Support Specialist

These are the top 10 occupations where people go postal 3 or greater times per year.

Just kidding. Actually, this is the list that the computer spat out when I took a career interest inventory test last week. And I quote, "the 10 occupations most closely aligned with your interests are listed in the summary chart below. Keep in mind the occupations listed are just some of the many occupations linked to your interests that you might want to consider. They do not indicate that you 'should' pursue. It is helpful to think of each occupation as a single example of a much larger group of occupation titles to consider."

Ready for more? I sure wasn't.

1. Research
2. Medical Science
3. Healthcare Services
4. Taxes & Accounting
5. Law

No, this isn't the top five most boring things on the planet. It's actually my top five interest areas. Which is a little embarassing to admit. In type these things look rather boring, but if you think about it they are kind of interesting. Right? My lowest scoring ones were Mathematics, Nature & Agriculture, Counseling & Helping, and Religion & Spirituality. I guess because I said "no" to the "do you want to become a priest" question that made me score low on that last one. Or maybe it's because I said "no" to the "have you ever been molested by a priest..." question....

something to think about. Stay tuned for more exciting things.

(hurl)

really? dentist?? (hurl)

They certainly know how to write...

2008-02-08T11:19:00.001-08:00

UC Berkeley is one of the more prestigious schools overall, but they are also known for their excellent journalism/english/writing programs. They may be angry about the Marines, and they may be high off their butts, but they certainly know how to get the point across.

I ran across this when I arrived at work today (one of the first things I do after downing a diet coke is read CNN.com) and this was plastered all over CNN's homepage. I'll briefly paraphrase the article for you, although if you'd like the full enchilada, click here. Apparently Berkeley-ites are tired of having Marine recruiters in the area. It all began last week after the Berkeley City Council approved a measure encouraging the Marine recruiters to vacate their offices downtown. And I quote: "If recruiters choose to stay, they do so as uninvited and unwelcome intruders"

The Council further encourages the protest by applauding any residents or organizations "that volunteer to impede, passively or actively, by nonviolent means, the work of any military recruiting office located in the City of Berkeley."

Not to be outdone or to be dictated to by this famously liberal city, a group of Republican lawmakers in D.C. this week introduced the Semper Fi Act of 2008. If passed it would basically redirect $2 million worth of federal funding from Berkeley to the Marine Corps. Indian giving on a federal level. Or maybe it's more like the parent telling the child they're going to donate their allowance to a charity if they don't eat all their brussel sprouts.

Either way, I think it's once again proof that all we ever need to know in life, from how to be kind to figuring the sum of 1 + 1, and how to fight and negotiate, we learned in kindergarten. Adults in government and power don't act all that different from kids on the playground in elementary school -- they're just big kids with expensive suits, better toys and a bigger playground. Oh yeah, and I guess their decisions could completely affect our future and way of life.

Like, Such As, and The Iraq

2008-02-08T10:02:00.000-08:00

There is a person in my office who is not known for their communication skillz. Shocker. They are historically known for being underinformed and requesting the impossible of myself and coworker without really understanding 1. what they really need. 2. what it takes for us to accomplish it and 3. the time involved in completing the task. It’s hard to describe unless you’ve experienced it personally. Having been here over a year my coworker has run into this situation on more than one occasion and has come up with an amazing analogy. It goes something like this…

Bad Communicator: [saunters up] Can you do me a flavor?

Us: Okay.

BC: I need you to build me a magic airplane.

Us: Okay. Did you want…

BC: It *must* be magical. Here is some sand. This is what you will probably need to build it.

[dumps loose sand all over desk, floor and work area]

Us: Okay.

[silence]

Us: So uh…what color do you want it?

BC: Hmm…that’s a good question, you know it’s funny you should ask. Many years ago when dinosaurs ruled the earth I had to build all the desks in this office and it was *really* funny because they didn’t tell me what shape or size or anything so I just made all of them heart shaped, well, because I heart hearts. I never could understand why they didn’t like them. My boss kept saying something about how were they supposed work on heart shaped desks. I made them with my own two hands, but this other time there was a problem with some of the screws…[phone in office rings, and BC rushes away to answer it]…the problem was they kept screwing around! [calls over her shoulder and laughs] Get it? screwing around!? [answers phone call in office]

Us: Okay.

[next day in the midst of construction]

Us: Hey, BC…you know that magic airplane you needed? What color did you say you wanted it?

BC: You know it’s funny you should ask [phone rings and is answered] I’m sorry, I have to take this, can you come back in a few minutes?

[2 hours later]

BC: [on the phone] Yes, I’ll need 8 medium, 2 large and 10 pairs of cleats. [looking up at us and whispering] Have a seat I’ll be right with you…
[hangs up phone]

Us: Sorry to interrupt, I was wondering about that color…

BC: No problem [phone rings]
---------------------------------------
[a few days go by and the project is done]

Us: Here you go, all done. I hope you don’t mind, but I ended up not using the sand; it’s kind of hard to explain why…

[words trail off as the BC begins to change color...]

BC: This is a magic airplane.

Us: Yes.

BC: I asked for a flying yellow school bus with no windows.

Us: Uh…

BC: I specifically remember asking you for a flying school bus. I may have forgotten the color, but I figured that you’d be smart enough to know that it should be yellow and I thought be able to tell that it should NOT have any windows.

Us: Uh…

BC: How long have you been here? I’m sorry, I just thought this was a little obvious.

Us: Okay.

[retreats from office in tears]

Ruminations on a Pancake

2008-02-04T12:07:00.000-08:00

Chocolate chip pancake to be exact. I’ve been having this craving for pancakes the past few weeks and finally a trip to the grocery store for some other things afforded me the opportunity to purchase all the necessary ingredients. For someone who generally despises regular breakfast food, I forgot how much I adore pancakes.

Saturday morning (and by morning I mean 1:30 p.m.) proved to be the perfect time to make the first batch of pancakes. I’m amazed I remembered how to do everything; I think the last time I made pancakes was in high school. I think I was trying to show my domesticity in the kitchen by cooking for a boyfriend. But I digress. The pancakes were made with ease and soon a familiar smell filled my apartment. Instantly my fat cells’ memory were awakened and taken back to a time in my childhood when my mom would sing at me to get me out of my bed in the mornings for school (I wasn’t a morning person as a child, not much has changed). On the mornings that her melodious voice was unsuccessful at prying me from my covers she would inevitably lure me downstairs with the unmistakable smell of freshly made chocolate chip pancakes. Always running late, the pancakes were quickly tossed onto a paper towel to be eaten on the way to school or seminary. Plates and forks were very unnecessary. I remembered how the warm pancakes would steam in the cold morning air as I waited for my mom to back out the minivan.

Filled with the deliciousness and memories I worked my way through half of the short stack I made before I was utterly and completely full. It was far too early in the morning be ingesting that much. I am accustomed to next to nothing in the mornings – maybe a shot of milk and a bite of cereal. And after the syrupy chocolatey soft goodness I went into insta-carb-coma on my couch and was unable to speak or move for about an hour.

And that was pretty much the best part of my weekend. Don’t be alarmed – I had a good weekend, and much awesomeness ensued, it’s just that homemade pancakes and fulfilling a craving are great and rare events, virtually unsurpassable. And the carb coma forced me to be at peace.

My mind has been in a slight state of chaos for a few days…maybe it’s because I don’t have school, or maybe because work has slowed down, or maybe I'm just a hormonal biatch…either way, since I have nothing else to obsess about, my mind has been forced to turn inward and take some deeper snapshots of myself. Which, quite honestly, is never good. Even if the snapshots turn up some good stuff, being human, (and being a human pessimist) I will always undoubtedly focus on the negatives.

I realized that even though some things in life are hard to live through, it can be even harder to let go of the memory of living through it. I swear there is this masochistic part of my soul that enjoys drudging up old ghosts. Like those embarrassing moments that you remember only when you’re laying awake in bed at night. You cringe, and your muscles twitch at the memory and you try to forget it, but only succeed in moving on to the next most embarrassing memory that your mind can recall so you can cringe some more.

I know I should be grateful for everything that’s happened as it has shaped the person I am today, but quite honestly there are some memories I’d give just about anything to completely forget. Maybe Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind had the right idea after all.

Were it only that easy to pick and choose which memories to retain: I’d keep the pancakes, and the ones with my mom singing annoying songs in the morning to wake me up. I’d even be willing to keep the memory of my parent’s faces of disappointment burning holes into my forehead and all the car accidents, too, if it meant I could hand pick the other memories too blot out… even if it meant I’d be a different person, maybe even less awesome, I’d be okay with that. The peace of mind would be worth it.

T to the Ah to the Ho

2008-01-18T12:00:00.000-08:00

Lake Tahoe WeatherNorth, South, East and West Lake Tahoe
Friday, January 18th: 27 F, Sunny
Humidity: 66%
Current Wind Conditions: CLM @ 0 mi

27?? as in degrees? are you kidding me? The low on monday is supposed to be 3 degrees. 3!?!? If I come back missing a few limbs, please don't love me any less. We depart today for a weekend of frozen insanity -- basically just like every other trip we go on, but this one is so cold things start to drop off.

For once I think we might be grateful we packed a few pounds on over the holidays...extra insulation.

Larry Laprise Dead At 83

2008-01-16T11:30:00.000-08:00

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world, it is worth taking a moment to reflect on the death of a very important person, that almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 83.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.They put his left leg in... and then the trouble started.

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If you're interested in more information about the man behind the shakin all about (or aboot if you're from Canadia), here's his obit via CNN and his wikipedia entry.

Pleasures, Guilty

2008-01-15T15:58:00.001-08:00

Billboard can keep their Top 40, and I will secretly continue to rock out to my hidden top 10. Well, I guess now that I've published it on the internet you can scratch the 'secret' and 'hidden' part.

Judge me as you will, but the fact remains that everyone has guilty pleasures; whether it's 'rockin out' with the Carpenters Christmas album year-round or watching Labyrinth for the 82nd time (I fully admit I'm guilty of both so don't even think about accusing me. I heart David Bowie in spandex).

The following is a brief list of my iPod guilty pleasures (in no particular order -- cuz let's face it, they're ALL bad. And not like bad in a good way), i.e. songs that I keep on my iTunes to proclaim my diversity, and somehow got added to my iPod during a moment of weakness, and karmically ended up playing in my car while I had passengers.

The fact that I'm cringing as I'm typing the titles/names gives you an inkling to how I squirmed when the song came on live in front of people. On the plus side, my friends have moved on from making fun of the gay love song I wrote 10 years ago and now make fun of the gay love songs I listen to. At least now they're bashing someone else's words instead of mine.

Without further adieu....sigh...

Since U Been Gone.......................Kelly Clarkson
Bad Boy For Life...........................P. Diddy
Toxic...............................................Britney Spears
What Goes Around.......................Justin Timberlake
Man in the Mirror.........................Michael Jackson
Peaches n Cream..........................112
All For Love...................................Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart, Sting
I'm a Slave For U..........................Britney Spears
Incomplete.....................................Backstreet Boys
Too Much Heaven.........................Bee Gees
Since I Fell For You.......................Lenny Welch
Overture.........................................Phantom of the Opera (original London cast recording)

Expensive Loser Wanted

2008-01-09T17:54:00.000-08:00

A fellow blogger recently posted a best-of from Craigslist opining the trials and tribulations that encompass dating the female sex. As it turns out, dating the male sex isn't exactly a cake walk either. Shocker.
-------------------------------------------------------
Hello! I'm looking for an expensive loser!! Could this be you? I don't ask for much these days. At my age, the fish that used to be in the ocean are dwindling in number, so lets see if you stack up to my extremely high expectations:

1. Please do not have your own mode of transportation. I expect to pick you up and drive you everywhere, including dates that you can't afford to take me on, work, to see your kids and to deliver you to your drug dealer's at 3 in the morning.

2. Please have at least three addictions! I prefer alcohol, pot and cigarettes. Cocaine habit a plus! Please do not share your substances with me as I prefer to buy my own. In fact, please borrow my money to purchase yours!

3. Please live with your mother. If this is not possible becasue you don't know who she is, then please live in a big house with five other guys and a six foot graffix bong you call "chewbongka". Please have no furniture except a pool table and a kegerator. Your bed, if you have one, should be a futon matress on the floor soaked in cat piss, beer, or both.

4. If I get my way, you will not recognize any of the good things I do. Instead, you should gripe about imaginary things that you obsess about because of your meth addiction.

5. Do not be accountable at all for your actions. Please realize that if your life sucks, it's clearly my fault and I should be a better girlfriend. I would appreciate it if you understood that it's because of my lack of consideration that you are too hungover to work. It is also because of me that you end up in jail, therefore, I will bail you out and you won't have to pay me back.

6. Please have poor credit. It's part of my dream that I have to add you to my cell phone account and bank account because you are unable to obtain these things under the name you are currently using. You must be at least $40,000 in debt. That debt will not include a home or a car because you wouldn't have either of those. If you do, you are automatically disqualified.

7. Always remember: POT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME! In fact, so is beer, and so are other women you don't know. I should come about 8th on the list of important things in your life: behind blow jobs in balboa park but ahead of your family.

8. You must owe back child support that I will help you pay.

9. Please yell at me LOUDLY and OUTSIDE my front door so that I will be evicted.

10. Whatever you do, don't cut your hair, shave, wear deoderant or brush your teeth. Also, wear crappy clothes when we go out... the last thing I need is to feel "proud" to be seen with you. Please spit in public and scratch your balls whenever you can. I would also appreciate it if your pants were so low that everyone could see your underwear and/or crack. Nothing says "hot" like pants that don't fit. Sleeveless shirts a plus.

11. When we make out, please stick your tongue as far down my throat as it will reach and dispense as much as your saliva into my mouth as possible.

So...do you meet my needs? If so, don't ever call or write. I love waiting and wondering!

Additionally, due to unprecedented male shortages, the following previously deal-breaking categories have been promoted to "potential relationship material":

-Liars
-Cheaters
-My intellectual inferiors
-Dirty, smelly coffee shop poets
-Barflies
-Possessive types
-Women haters
-Men old enough to be my Dad
-Lawyers
-Those who can't spell and refuse to use spell check
-Alcoholics
-Negative, angry types
-Politicians/the criminally insane
-Vain, self-centered artists
-Drama queens
-The dental-hygienically challenged
-Pink shirt wearing corporate capitalist punks who drive fancy cars
-Free loaders
-Anyone with a toupee
-The insecure
-Mama's Boys
-Egomaniacs
-Infantile dimwits who blame everyone else for their problems
-Narcissists
-Bad kissers
-The fiscally irresponsible
-Underachieving slackers

Oh...Holiday Humor...

2007-12-17T13:53:00.000-08:00

Ho, ho, ho ya'll.

------------------------------------

One beautiful December evening Pedro and his girlfriend Rosita were sitting by the side of the ocean.

It was a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita, let's play Weeweechu." "Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Rosita."Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." "Please, corazoncito, just once,play Weeweechu with me."

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll play Weeweechu."

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, "Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

GSM 11.19.07

2007-11-19T14:15:00.000-08:00

Just because I KNOW you all be dying for an update on my life, I'll give you one.

I had an extremely productive weekend that included homework, purchasing and moving in a new couch, putting nice looking crap on my walls, and removing a 600 lb. solid oak hutch from my living room. Additionally, I unpacked two more boxes, realizing that it was just more crap that I shouldn't have moved, and ended up throwing away 70% of it. Lastly, I got a head start on homework/projects due after Thanksgiving.

Even though it meant sacrificing the social life for two days, it was totally worth it -- if for no other reason than the fireplace is now visible and can be used. I just need a decent coffee table and a nice big mirror to hang over the fireplace to continue in my efforts to be as vain and narcissistic as possible.

Hope you all have wonderful and exciting plans for Thanksgiving, if you don't heaven knows you're more than welcome to mine. And heaven knows it can't get any weirder than it already is if you show up. I will be doing the usual tour of duty at my parent's house followed by the traditional second and third Thanksgivings later that day with friends.

Four days of no school and no work. HOLLA!!!!!!!

Oh, here are the gender slams for today:

----------------------------------------------

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?

A: Who gives a crap, what the heck was she doing out of the kitchen!?!?

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A: Slap her!

Q: What did God say after He created man?

A: I can do better than this.

New college classes for men:

PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut

Combating Stupidity

How to Stay Awake After Sex

How to Fill an Ice Tray

The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency

--------------------------------------

Here are some crappy pics I took with my cell phone of the new and improved pad.

GSM 11.12.07

2007-11-12T14:20:00.000-08:00

Yes folks...it's Monday again.

For some unknown reason I woke up with a particularly strong abhorrence to Mondays this morning. Consequently, I snoozed my alarm for a solid hour (perhaps subconsciously I thought if I didn't get out of bed, it wouldn't be Monday), threw clothes around the apartment changing my outfit three times swearing to myself, left 20 minutes later than usual and immediately came to a halt as soon as I got onto the freeway. As a result of it being Monday and the preceeding: I arrived at work 45 minutes late, my top on backwards and a permanent scowl on my face. (Someone gave me chocolate at lunch, so the scowl has lessened. I have high hopes of it clearing up by tomorrow.)

Anyway........here's this week's gender slam......enjoy!
------------------------------------

The Perfect Day According To...

HER
8:45 - Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 - 5 pounds lighter on the scale
9:30 - Light breakfast
11:00 - Sunbathe
12:30 - Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 - Shopping
2:30 - Run into husband's ex - notice she's gained 30lbs.
3:00 - Facial, massage, nap
7:30 - Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 - Make love
11:30 - Pillow talk in his big strong arms

HIM
10:00 - Wake up
10:02 - sex
10:10 - Big Breakfast
11:30 - Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters
2:15 - Enormous lunch with beer
3:15 - sex
3:25 - Play sports with the guys
4:30 - Drink beer with the guys
6:30 - Meet Claudia Schiffer
6:40 - sex
6:50 - Huge dinner, more beer
8:00 - Fall asleep with beer watching TV while dreaming of having sex with Claudia Shiffer

11:00 - Full on, get down, gorilla sex, more beer
11:10 - Sleep
2:30 - Fart

Gender Slam Monday 11.5.07

2007-11-05T16:53:00.000-08:00

Alright ladies & gents.....it's the boys' turn.

-----------------------------------------------------

Men become old, but they never become good.

Adam was created first to give him a chance to say something.

Before money was invented, what did women find attractive about men?

Men are like toilets. Either vacant, engaged, or full of crap.

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

Men...give them an inch...and they add it to their own.

I called my last boyfriend "Miller Lite"; tasted good, but wasn't very filling.

If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.

If they can put a man on the moon, then why can't they just put them all there.

The guy who said all men are created equal never went to a nudist colony.

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

Tuesday Nights

2007-10-31T14:47:00.003-07:00

For those of you who wonder what I do in my Tuesday night Human Sexuality class...

These are the guys from my presentation group who earned infamy in such presentations as Chlamydia: the Silent Killer and Look Who's Talking Now: Zoophiliacs.

Never a dull moment. Never.

Gender Slam Mondays

2007-10-29T16:41:00.000-07:00

I hate Mondays.

Most of you know this. Most of you have experienced this first hand and know that by hate, I really mean abhorr.

In my extensive efforts to lift my spirits today, I decided to start Gender Slam Mondays on my blog...because let's face it: regardless of what varying walks of life you come from, gender slamming is funny to just about everyone.

So happy Monday all, especially the ladies as my first GSM post is about the wonderful-ness that is women's communication skillz.

I thought I'd avoid more whining from the men if I slammed the ladies first.

----------------------------

FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD! At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

Halloween Cometh

2007-10-25T17:03:00.001-07:00

It's that time of year again folks. A time for falling leaves, hot dusty winds, burning houses, and of course, most importantly, the only day of the year where adults can dress up as condoms, serial killers and prostitutes and not be arrested or committed to psych wards.

So a few years ago when I first started with this company I knew I had to break out of the newbie shell and show these people that I was a force to be rivaled with and not just some new data entry dork.

So I dressed up as a giant bottle of toothpaste (sorry I don't have any pics. Oh, the days before digi cams). I used a pleated lampshade as the cap, and bought these creepy colored contacts that looked like swirls of toothpaste. I painted a replica of a bottle of Crest toothpaste onto a white twin sheet that I folded in half to create a tunic for myself. Anyway, impressions were definitely made and I won first place (I'm pretty sure I did anyway...it was awhile ago) And ever since then, everyone has expected great things from me.

One year I did this team approach with my cool boss and we were siamese twin clowns. Yes it was VERY random, but hey we won.

Last year, I was Rob Robbery, an attorney-at-law with a huge intimidating belly (note to self: on years when it is 97 degress on Halloween, don't use blankets to stuff). Not only did I win best female costume, but best male.

This year, the pressure is really on. People still expect great things from me, and now other people are becoming competitive in an effort to dethrone my winning streak. Moreover, I'm not terribly confident in my costume. I just had a giant creative brain fart this year.

First, I was going to be the Tooth Fairy. Then I had creative diarhhea and came up with the Tooth Decay Fairy...which I'm not positive is any better than the former, but whatever. I have fashioned a black tu-tu and pinned tooth-decay-promoting objects to it. I have a pair of black fairy wings, a sparkly black fairy wand, and a pair of super nasty fake teeth to put in my mouth.

I'm doing beta testing at parties this weekend to see how reactions are. If you're lucky, I'll consider posting pictures. In the meantime, if you have a better more creative idea for my work competition let me know.

Babies have it easy.

2007-10-25T16:56:00.000-07:00

Seriously, all the do is poop, eat, sleep AND they get to torture animals and they don't get put in jail. I suppose the only sad part is that they don't realize what they're getting away with yet, so they can't fully enjoy the freedom.

Sorry for the lack of picture quality, but if you can't figure it out, the baby is gnawing on a kitten's tail.

Quote of the day. . .

2007-10-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

Some people are like slinkys.

Not really good for anything but they bring a smile

to your face when pushed down stairs.

Aaaaaas Yooouuuu Wiiiiisssshhhh

2007-10-18T17:02:00.000-07:00

Per my loyal fans requests, here is an updated posting. To make up for my lengthy absence I have three points of interest piled into one blog for your viewing pleasure.

1.

At first I was going to blame my non-blogging to having no life and nothing interesting to write about. Then I realized, crazy crap still happens to me on a daily - almost hourly folks - basis. I'm just too freakin busy to write about it, or I decide to write about it and then by the time I have a moment to write, I've already forgotten what was so awesomely hilarious.

However, last night I SWORE to myself that I would not forget, because this moment was too insane, embarassing and awesome.

So I couldn't sleep, shocker. Nothing new there. The new part is that I happened upon A&E (I'm discovering new channels all the time since the numbers changed when I moved). And what show should be on?

It was late people. Stop judging me. AND I when I stopped changing the channel to watch this massacre of the human spirit I had no idea I'd be admitting it to anyone else, let alone the world wide web. But I digress. As usual. (some things never change)

So I'm watching, this guy is a regular tough dude with his tough little posse and wife with larger than life breasts. Apparently DOG has a criminal history of his own -- prior to changing his ways to bounty hunter, he broke the law. On this episode, he was visiting people from his past and met up with his arresting officer (might have been his parole officer, I don't know) for coffee. He was telling her how she changed his life, blah blah blah. She told him how awesome he is, blah blah blah.

And then she says, "You know Dog, if I had been made Sherriff, there is no one else in this world I would have wanted to serve as my Deputy than you." Dog puts on his sunglasses to shielf the camera from his tears. Officer-lady continues, "And I want you to have my badge as a token of my pride and trust in you". I'm paraphrasing, but it was something of equal sap quality. It was so sappy and so splenda-rificly sweet! I caught myself off-guard as tears sprang to my eyes and my nose got stuffy. Who in their right mind cries while watching DOG the Bounty Hunter!?!? Something is definitely wrong with me.

I immediately changed the channel.

In other news, here is the most entertaining email I received all week:

----------------------------------------

From: *******

Sent: Thursday, October 18, 2007 3:33 PM

To: MAH

Subject: Hmmm...

I just got back from lunch, where I sat next to Billy Bush. Star of such great NBC shows as "Grease: You're the one that I want!" and "Access Hollywood". So there I am eating my lunch and his cell phone goes off. You may be asking yourself what is his ringtone. Well, I'll tell you.

It's: Fergie - "Big Girls Don't Cry"

Just something to think about.
--------------------------------------------------

All I have to say is, it's good to know that even famous people do embarassing things like download Fergie ringtones. I bet some of them cry too when they watch DOG the Bounty Hunter. Seriously, they're people too.

Lastly, there is a dilemma of gargantuan proportions going on in my life right now.

I'm really over the whole growing-my-hair out thing. I miss having short hair that was always stylish, always complimented and always easy to take care of. Okay, so having long hair is great because you have a lot more options to style it blah blah blah, but honestly, I don't 'style' crap. I don't have time, and usually my hair is up in a clip or something. I don't do crap with it (which is why I initially cut it short all those years ago) I'd really like to cut my hair back to the way it was. But I'm a little afraid of regretting it, and I'm afraid my friends will murder me. (They're really big on the growing-hair thing).

While the short hair is cute and stylish, if I have a bad hair day, instead of looking like I'm having a bad hair day, I look like a lesbian. While the long hair is really pretty and soft and fun to style, I don't style it or do anything special with it. I know both pics are different and the quality of either isn't that great, but do the best you can with what I got. To cut or not to cut???

too much awesome-ness

2007-09-21T13:44:00.000-07:00

Hassel-Off

2007-09-13T16:27:00.000-07:00

Makes a great stocking stuffer....I'll take a dozen!

Silicone:eerily realistic, yet fun!

2007-09-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

So last night I attended my first Psych 105 class -- I'd missed last week's class because I was laying on a beach in paradise. But I digress.

Psych 105 is a Human Sexuality course, which I thought when I registered for it would be mildly interesting. I thought I'd learn some new terms to wow my psych friends with and maybe even discover the cure for some strange disease called homosexuality. ( ha ha )

I was very wrong.

However, this happens to be one of the rare cases in which I am very happy to be wrong. Instead of being slapped in the face with reading out loud from a textbook, my vivacious and vibrant teacher (complete understatement btw) captured our attention with her outspoken and unabashed approach to the male and female reproductive systems. She even had silicone likenesses for us to pass around and examine, and proceeded to act out proper positioning for us. At that moment I felt a whole lot closer to these new strangers, closer than I get to most people that I've known for several years. A very odd feeling.

Overall, silicone flopping notwithstanding, the class was hilarious and wonderful. We were put into groups for upcoming projects (my group gets to do an interactive presentation on Chlamydia. my dearest wish.) and were continuously entertained by our teacher who made it clear that anything - and I mean ANYTHING - goes.

In other news, around 10:45pm last night I arrived at the place where I'm housesitting after class and walked into a completely dark house. I haven't familiarized myself with light switches yet, so I stumbled through the dark, narrowly avoiding cats, so that I could turn off the alarm system.

I now know that 1. you have to punch in the dis-arm code within 1 minute of entering the house 2. you have to punch in the right code and/or 3. you only get three chances to punch in the right code. Ignoring any of these rules results in complete and utterly unbearable beeping that can be heard two blocks away. If you fail to complete all three, (case in point), the beeping will continue until the security company calls and you confirm name, address, password, phone number, blood type, social and name of your firstborn child. Which is harder and takes longer than you think while under the duress of an ear-splitting alarm.

The cats are either retaliating against my faux paw (ha ha), or the alarm literally scared them crap-less as I awoke this morning to trails of excrement leading away from the litter box.

On the plus side, at least I didn't lose 70% of their cat population.

Kauai 2007

2007-09-10T17:58:00.001-07:00

Most of you have already heard all the stories, and I don't have time to type all of them here, but here are some of the best pics I got (out of over 300!). I'll try and add more stories and explanations later. However, in the meantime, enjoy!!

This was the scary jet prop we took from Maui to Kauai.

It was very small, but afforded a great view of all the other islands

we passed by on the way and we got some great pics.

--------------------------------- We picked up one couple Thursday night and they wanted food

so we stopped at good ol' McD's and saw this on the menu.

No, we didn't try it. Yeah, we kinda wanted to.

----------------------------------------This was a bay near the airport that I'd heard had good snorkeling.

There were a lot of good waves and rocks and we probably

would've died had we actually tried snorkeling there.

---------------------------------Okay...so we totally tried to pretend we were staying

at this totally schmoozy resort. It didn't work out so well,

as apparently there IS no room #119 at that resort.

But I digress.

There was an awesome hammock just off to the right of the beach

that was perfect for relaxing, swinging and

and trying to break by piling

as many people on there as possible.

----------------------------- This was a public beach that we saw on the map

and heard from a few locals about having great snorkeling

so we made our way and found it was one of the best

spots we hit that weekend. We saw a huge variety of fish

and a really awesome looking giant turtle.

--------------------------- This was a freshwater lake we stumbled upon after driving

on some random road for awhile. We saw a turn off, parked the car

and went exploring. It was beautifully still -- maybe a little

too still...creepy still. But it was still really awesome.

------------------------------- Peter's sunglasses were perfect for checking your hair in.

If you look closely you can actually see everyone

else in the group reflected in the glasses.

------------------------------This was the random road that took us to the freshwater lake.

It was lined by a huge canopy of trees that cast

unending shadows on the pavement. I thought

it looked cool and I felt all artsy fartsy when I

took the pic.

-------------------------------I forget what made her smile like this....

I must have shown her my whiteness.

----------------------------------Beautiful vista we ended up at in Princeville. There was a super

scary steep cliff of foliage that wasn't fenced off.

I was very surprised no one ended up rolling down it.

----------------------------------

Yes, I have caught Mel's disease of taking self portraits.

It passes the time quite nicely and lets you check your hair.

---------------------------

This was a baby gecko we found in the kitchen. Very cute and transluscent
------------------------------------

This was one of the top highlights of the trip - tubing down irrigation ditches!

It may not sound that awesome, but it totally was,

even if some of us got a little stuck in the ditches.

----------------------------- This is what is known as the mini-Grand Canyon.

After spending a few days on an island you don't expect

something like this to be on it, but there it was.

-----------------------------------

There is nothing to say. Except MOOBS!!!!!!

----------------------------------

Same Crap, Different Place

2007-08-27T16:43:00.000-07:00

I realize these pictures look remarkably similar to the ones previously posted. Mostly because it's the exact same boxes in a different order, AND in multiple rooms instead of just one! YAY.

For the inquiring minds, yes that is Pirates #1 on the TV, and no that huge flat screen does not belong to me.

In fact, I kept telling the previous owners that they could take their time moving it out, but it was gone when I got home last night. So now I'm stuck with my lopsided ancient tube TV toward the left of the picture in front of the fireplace.

The new apartment is pretty freakin awesome (even though it's filled with a bunch of crap right now ). The rooms are all very spacious, there's a dishwasher, tiled floor and a walk in closet that I could rent as a separate room. I know you're all dying to see the place, but I can only have people over one couple at a time. Because including the folding chairs I'm borrowing from a friend and the desk chair I brought with me, I have a total of three chairs.

I met the quiet woman who lives above me and the guy that lives right next to me. The woman is...a bit odd, and has a daughter with my name. The guy is a crackhead. Possibly crackho. He talks exceptionally fast and his eyes move even faster. He peppered me with questions as soon as I told him my name, asking everything from my ethnic lineage to how often I'd be at home. Weird. Still though, I'd take quiet crazy neighbors over loud crazy neighbors any day.

Well...my summer classes are over, the moving is over, so all I have to worry about now is not getting sun poison in Kauai. We leave this Thursday and won't be back until Wednesday of next week...unless another hurricane hits, in which case I might have to force myself to stay the entire month of September. I'll send you all a post card.

I'll post pictures from Kauai and any embarrassing stories (hopefully no losing rental car keys at the top of a mountain this year...) when I get back. Fall semester starts the day I get back, and in my attempt to maintain my 4.0 GPA I probably won't be seeing much of anyone until Christmas. Don't miss me too much (FHE: include the light blue hex when you're playing Cosmic to practice annihilation and think of me). If I get A's again this semester I'll throw a PHAT dinner party for everyone. (sweetmotherofmary did I just use phat in a sentence?!?)

Oh, I almost forgot...I went furniture shopping on Saturday so that when I do eventually have people over, you'll have somewhere to sit. Anyway, P'ski and Va went with me and helped model some of the pieces we looked at. P'ski is wearing some obscenely furry throw (it was verry soft though) and looking very cave-man ish. We thought the chair was pretty cool, but saw its true potential when we sat down and realized it spun around. The matching micro-sueded sectional looked very nice too, and all the pillows are perfect pillow-fighting material.

Old Habits Die Hard

2007-08-23T12:27:00.000-07:00

A lot of people wonder why I'm so into Halloween. I always dress up, and I almost always go all out. It's just more fun that way. I think the habit was ingrained in me at a young age though.

I found these precious moments floating around my desk at work (don't ask me how they got here, I have no idea). Unfortunately the scanners at work were not high quality enough to pick up the embarassing detail in the pictures, but you get the general idea.

------------------------------------

In this first one I was 3 years old, and I believe those are pajamas (yes, not much as changed. jammies rule.) I'm wearing underneath the witch costume. Those footed pajamas rule. They have anti-skid rubber on the soles so that you can run around the house tormenting your little sister and not slip and fall. Brilliant! It appears as though I was practicing commanding all the minions to do my bidding. Either that or I'm doing the Excedrine commercial from the 80s 'I have a headache THIS BIG'.

--------------------------------------------

In this second one I'm 5 years old. I think I was going for the 1920s flapper look. Instead I just look like a scary albino child with blue eyeshadow. Also of note is the vacant suger-overload expression characterized by squinty eyes staring off into space and tightly closed mouth (perhaps full of chocolate). The other kid is at least trying to smile. Must be nice to be normal!

Pack it up, pack it in, let me begin...

2007-08-19T19:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not gonna lie. My room resembles a city dump right now. It looks like three hundred people have unapologetically thrown their crap away in my room.

For someone who has spent a relatively short amount of time on this earth, I sure have a #@*%load of crap. I mean really. And it's not like I have a ton of just one thing -- I have a lot of everything. Anyway, three bins of movies, three bins of books, one box of an extensive stolen menu collection and two wardrobes' worth of clothes later, I'm 80% done packing. I even dedicated an entire box to ex artwork. Not only am I grateful I still have it, but it reminded me of why I don't date artists anymore.

I made a decent amount of progress yesterday, but not as much as I'd planned on. The big stuff has all been packed, but now it's all the little things that need to either be thrown out or packed.

As you can see my spacious room looks very un-spacious right now. I couldn't move boxes downstairs because the owner of the house had family over all weekend and I'm sure she wouldn't want piles in the living room. So it's all just hangin out in my room right now. Fabulous.

The plus side of having to sift through all your crap, however, is finding cool stuff that you've forgotten about. I found a Valentine's day card that one of my friends gave me in Jr. High. Oddly enough she is the same friend who works with me. I found a letter written to me in high school during my best friend's 3rd period talking about all our relationship woes and how hard life really is and that we're so strong and awesome that we can get through anything. I hope that includes moving.

The goal is to have everything packed and ready to go by Tuesday. I'm doing the move in shifts to ease up the stress of having to do it all in one day. Hopefully by Saturday the only thing that will have to be done is the bed. I'm not taking and don't have any other large pieces...so while it's nice not to have to worry about moving them, my new place will be sparse for a little while. I hear bean bags can be really comfortable though.

Sleep Tight...Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite!

2007-08-14T15:52:00.000-07:00

riiiiight. Regardless of the protests of exhaustion from my body, my brain has taken up the notion that sleeping is now optional.

I discovered something fascinating last night -- apparently I have developed a tolerance to sleeping aids, as the two I popped at midnight last night had absolutely no effect.

11:47PM: checked Michael Bolton download
11:51PM: yawned
11:56PM: finished download, and guiltily imported into iTunes
12:03AM: checked watch, popped two little blue pills
12:03AM: transferred to bed and tried to find the best position to receive air-conditioning
12:06AM: spread eagle sideways. Head dangling off the side in the direction of AC vent, eyes glazed over staring at TV.
1:08 AM: checked watch. changed channel.
1:38 AM: checked watch. swear word. changed channel.
1:41 AM: crawled back to middle of bed.
1:45 AM: room is sufficiently frozen, turn off AC.
2:08 AM: large spider crawls out of my hair (not even kidding folks) and onto forehead
2:08:09 AM: screamed and began violently slapping my face to delicately extract spider.
2:08:20 AM: spider falls onto bed and narrowly avoids refuge in my comforter as it is catapulted by my finger into somewhere other than my bed.
2:10 AM: after waiting sufficient amount of time for said spider to find new home, emerge from bed.
2:11 AM: look both ways, and begin putting on any and all items of clothing that will cover every piece of skin on body.
2:18 AM: (yes it took that long) covered with socks, sweats, turtleneck and beanie, crawled back into bed.
2:20 AM: sweating. feeling creepy crawlies are all over my body.
2:21 AM: turn AC back on.
2:31 AM: still sweating. change channel.
3:03 AM: swear words.

Speechless

2007-08-09T14:59:00.001-07:00

I heart The Soup. And my boyfriend, Joel McHale.

B is for...

2007-08-09T14:29:00.000-07:00

Bad Paula!

The Aftermath

2007-08-08T14:47:00.000-07:00

Still feeling a little burnt at being DQ'd, and still obsessing (shocker) about finding the reason why, I was bantering back and forth via email with one of the other guys in the group today. After revisiting for the 100th time, reasons as to why we might have been DQ'd, I received this:
---------------------------------------------
From: William Foley
Sent: Wednesday, August 08, 2007 1:23 PM
To: MAH
Subject: RE:

It aint even that. I wish I could say it was so that we'd at least have a reason. I caught that in the rules and joined the contest group as well. You can see that when you click on my user name and it says we're part of the contest.

This is the order I did things:
I uploaded to Youtube (obviously).
I submitted through topthistv.com on their submission page twice. 2nd time it wouldn't let me because it was already submitted.
I joined the contest group.
I read the denial letter.
I shit my pants.
I shared the denial letter with my friends.
I closed my office door.
I cried :-(....

Did i miss anything?

You Are Not Awesome

2007-08-07T15:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Person Deemed the Entrant,

We must regretfully inform you that your commercial submission to the Heinz Top This TV Challenge has been rejected because you did one or more things that our lawyers said you couldn’t do. They’re listed in the Official Rules. But here are the no-nos we see most:

• The commercial isn’t 30 seconds, and nothing ticks off the TV network guys like an ad that’s too long or too short.

• The commercial contains “copyrighted material”—stuff like music or video that somebody else created and/or owns.

• The commercial contains inappropriate content that your mother may not like and we can’t show on TV.

• The commercial contains another company’s name, trademark or logo.

But, hey, the sun will still come up tomorrow. Life and reality TV will go on. And you can always try again. At least, through August 6th.

Sincerely,
Heinz Top This Bearer of Bad News
----------------------------------------

I have scoured the rules. Memorized the rules. Recited the rules, and am completely clueless as to why our submission was rejected because we didn't break any of 'em! Not that any of us believed we would actually win, but we thought we had a decent shot. And to be DQ'd from any competition is just embarassing.

Please to disburse with condolences and compliments now.

In other news, there's another competition for Nesquik that I think we're currently brainstorming for $10,000 is the grand prize and the winning entry will be showing in movie theatres. Stay tuned for more...

Squeeze Responsibly

2007-08-04T13:26:00.000-07:00

Here's the commercial we entered in the Heinz $57,000 contest. Cross your fingers!
I almost forgot guys, if you've got some extra time, go to the actual video on YouTube to rate and leave comments. We're not sure if it'll make a difference, but the higher our rating, the more people that will see the video. If we make it into the finals, it will then be a public voting contest, in which case you can be expecting an email from me to go and vote. Thanks!! :) If we win, dinner's on me!

What's in the CD player today...

2007-08-03T11:36:00.000-07:00

Here's my latest lyric obsessions. Some are good, and some are just soo freakin hilarious (and the song is catchy). Don't lie to yourselves, I know you all sing along to Beyonce in the car when you think no one's watching.

---------------
You seem so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
(postal service)
-------------------
I'm still a sucker for cornrolls,
you know I never changed that (nah uh)
Your body is banging mamma,
but where your brains at? (Come on)
(nelly)
---------------------
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
(wicked soundtrack)
---------------
If I bought it n**** please don't touch
And keep talking that mess, that's fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time
And It's my mine name that is on that Jag
(beyonce)
------------------------
My friends all approve, say “she’s gonna be good for you.”
They throw me high fives.
She says the Bible is all that she reads.
And prefers that I not use profanity
Your mouth was so dirty
Life of the party,
And she swears that she’s artsy,
But you could distinguish Miles from Coltrane
(john mayer)
-------------------
I've seen angels fall from blinding heights
But you yourself are nothing so divine
Just next in line
(chris cornell)

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

2007-08-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with this crap anymore. But apparently, in life you have to break up with all sorts of people, not just the ones you suck face with.

But I digress.

I found a hot apartment. 1 Bedroom, decent kitchen, nice bathroom, a crapload of cabinets and storage, walk in closet and a large living room with a fire place. Perhaps the biggest perk for me is that there’s central heating and air. HOT. Okay, I lied…the biggest perk is that I got a $1400 apartment for much much less.

After deciding to take it, I now realized I had to tell my landlord I was moving and give her notice. This would be worlds easier if I was unhappy in my house, or if my landlord was a complete wench. Part of what has made living here so wonderful is the fact that she’s not a complete wench. However talk-to-herself-crazy and unorganized she is, she’s still a second mom and a great friend. So I finally sucked it up and told her last night, she didn’t even act surprised. I thought at first that it was because someone had leaked the news to her already, then I realized that it was because she was listening to me as a friend, not a landlord, so she was genuinely happy that I’d found something great.

Granted, 2 minutes later, the landlord part kicked in and she started talking about who she was going to get to fill the room, a boy or a girl etc…She talked to herself all the way to her bedroom. I said good night and headed upstairs laughing to myself. I think a very small part of me will miss the insanity.

Thank you Shark Week

2007-08-02T16:53:00.000-07:00

I got 8/10 folks. Boo-yaww. or however you spell that gutteral noise.

What's Your Shark I.Q.?

Money Well Spent

2007-07-25T14:15:00.001-07:00

Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599. This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Thanks to Apple, everyone is now happy.

Idiot Proof?

2007-07-20T14:47:00.000-07:00

It is apparent that everyone has a wide and varying level of nerd-ness.

But I'm pretty sure everyone will be at the same level of idiocy. Or...at least lower than mine.

Check it out.

"pick a different insult!"

PS: if you use the passwords to skip levels, they are case sensitive (took me approximately 5 times re-doing level 1 to figure that one out)

What happens in Vegas...

2007-07-19T12:12:00.000-07:00

Stays in Vegas. I've been told, no more stories. lol

So I leave you with pictures for you to create your own stories with. Which will sadly probably end up being more exciting than what really happened.

Revenge of the Quazzi-Nerds

2007-07-17T17:31:00.000-07:00

WHEW. Slightly nerdy, but only cuz I'm smart. Cuz that's how I roll yo.

Friday the 13th

2007-07-17T17:00:00.000-07:00

July 13th, Friday morning. Our minds were racing as we watched our Vegas plans deviate and deteriorate before our eyes. Actually it was more like a slot machine – at any given time during the day, depending on when you pulled the lever, the number of people coming, where we were staying, the number of cars, the type of car and what time we were leaving changed.

9:30 a.m., 5 people, staying at a coworker’s sister’s house, 1 large passenger van, departing at 7:30

12:48 p.m., 7 people, still staying at house, 1 car, large van, departing at 7:30.

5:02 p.m., 6 people, trying to get a room at Harrahs, 1 car, large van, departing at 7:30

5:05 p.m., 7 people, begging for a room at Harrahs, 1 car, 6 seater, departing at 9:00 p.m.

7:13 p.m., 8 people, willing to trade first born for a room at Harrahs, walking, departing at 9:00 p.m.

9:17 p.m., 8 people, house (Harrahs was booked), 2 cars, 6 seater & mini SUV, still trying to depart.

2:14 a.m., 10 people (surprise! grandma & son came), trying to find house, 2 cars, have to pee.

I’m not exaggerating about any of the events that occurred on Friday – it really was just that ridiculous. On many occasions I found myself wanting to throw myself out the 20th floor of my office building, only to be held back by my comrade-in-arms, telling me that it’s going to be okay and that it can’t get much worse. Moreover, we concluded that if these events were the worst thing to happen to us on Friday the 13th, we’d consider ourselves lucky. Ha Ha. Maybe the reason Mel missed the train coming up from San Diego was so we’d avoid a major collision on the 15 or maybe it was good that two people drove separately so we wouldn’t fight over seat belts. Who knows. Either way, I think we were all relieved to arrive at our destination safely.

Did I say arrive? I really meant stumbled-into. It was late and we were all exhausted, giddy and annoyed. So it would make sense that we would go to bed to get a fresh start the next morning. However, we are not people within whom sense resides, nor can we be swayed to do the sensible thing. So we headed straight over to the Golden Nugget – which I have to say was very impressive for an off-strip hotel. They had the most awesome-est pool I have ever seen…or rather the scariest. It was donut shaped, and in the middle of the donut hole, there was a huge cylinder filled with tiger sharks, baby reef sharks and gi-hugic sea bass. Everyone else had their noses pressed against the windows (the pool area was closed) and I could not get far enough away. I can't imagine swimming in that thing with only 5 inches of acrylic separating me from all those teeth.

Collectively several hundred dollars and 4 hours later, we left. It was 7:30 and sun was coming up. It was warm. Not like a happy summer morning warm…it was the nasty muggy warm, the disgusting someone’s-peeing-on-you warm. It was just gross. On top of that, by that time we’d all been up for over 24 hours, worked a full day of work, traveled 400 miles (some of us 500)and laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe. We were absolutely exhausted.

I don’t remember much of the drive home except that I think we got lost trying to find the freeway (which I think was my fault because I was tired, dumb and confused and gave bad directions) and I think Jen kept talking about food because we were all hungry. Somehow our devoted driver, Will got us home in one piece at which point we all collapsed immediately.

I’m still trying to find the cord to my camera to upload the pics from this weekend, so I’m going to leave you all in suspense and do a Las Vegas part deux post with pics and the rest of the hilarity that ensued.

No Regrets

2007-07-17T00:59:00.000-07:00

A friend recently asked me what my expectations, hopes, fears, dreams were for family and marriage. More specifically she asked me if my perception had changed from seeing her and other people I know go through difficulties. I told her that my 'ideal-ness' of marriage & family had turned more into reality. I no longer expect a life of rainbows and puppies by any means, but I do expect sincere love and honesty to help work through the inevitable hurdles. I don't have a problem with hurdles...I think they're necessary and in most cases useful for bringing people closer together. Anyway, she found herself surprised to find that her life was not what she had expected it to be at all at her age.

Watching my friends suffer (and enjoy) relationships at all various stages - meeting, fighting, loving, marriage, children, contempating divorce, divorce, unhappiness, reaffirmation - I think I've been able to see a lot more reality. The reality being that once you find someone to 'spend the rest of your life with', said 'life' doesn't suddenly become a dream of unending saturdays spent frolicking in the sand and sipping lemonade. Life still goes on, the good and the bad. Having a good partner just has the potential to make the good all that more excellent and the bad a little bit more bearable, but will by no means make things perfect.

I've been on my relationship/dating sabbatical for 6 months now. Quite the record for me, given that it's been about three years since I've been single for any length of time. It has been a break that has allowed me the space necessary for reflection and the time I needed to get back to being me. It has also allowed me the mental capacity to nail down what I really want out of my life...something I don't think I've made time to do since I've been too busy cultivating useless and dead end relationships. Okay. I'll be fair... (in the off chance there are any ex's reading this blog still) they weren't useless - I learned a lot about myself, and a lot about people.

So back to the conversation with my friend... I began to think, am I where I thought I'd be at this age? wow, totally no way not at all. To be perfectly honest, I don't think I ever looked far enough into my future to imagine where I would be, or where I'd want to be at 26. If you'd told me 10, even 5 years ago that this is where I'd be having experienced everything I've experienced I would've laughed my head off. Which further begged the question, is anyone ever where they intended to be at their age? I'd wager a big fat no. More no's than yes's anyway.

The truth of the matter is that life just happens and no matter what you plan, what you wish for and what you dream -- life, and all its confusing hurdles and glory, just happens. Things change, your perspective, goals, wants and needs change. 5 years ago my priorities (in no particular order) were to have adventure, explore the world, maybe get a tan and find someone hot to make out with occasionally. Now its (in no particular order) don't get fired, get straight A's, consider finding a life long partner, figure out what I wanna be when I grow up and have adventures whenever possible. Which is great -- I'm very happy with my priorities and my life right now.

I just wished I'd had these epiphanies a few years ago. Then again, if I had....I probably wouldn't have taken the route that I did to get here...and even though that route was really really crappy and awful at times, I'm still glad I took it and wouldn't change that for anything...because it made me who I am today.

Anyway, enough philosophy. Humor me, and if you've read this far and haven't fallen asleep, let's take a poll. Drop a comment saying 'yes' or 'no' as to whether or not you are where you thought you'd be at your age.

likes. totally.

2007-07-13T01:01:00.000-07:00

dislike: rush hour traffic, on any freeway, in any part of LA

like: vegas, baby. vegas.

dislike: not sleeping. although the world does tend to look funny through sleep deprived eyes.

like: fridays. you're expected to be at work, but no one actually expects you'll get any work done.

dislike: players. (consolation: a special hell awaits them and it's called being 40, single and in denial)

like: kittens. even though I'm not a cat fan and their claws are extra scratchy, they're positively adorable and irresistable

dislike: penguins.

like: my friends. all ya'll are awesome.

dislike: pistachios

like: driving a porsche

dislike: fake people and/or people with no common sense

like: Harry Potter V. pretty freakin awesome.

dislike: alarm clocks. of any kind. but ESPECIALLY those old fashioned ones that tick-tock constantly.

like: making gay music mixes for vegas road trips with wilson phillips and neil sedaka to torture passengers with

dislike: deviating from the plan!

like: summer breezes along the coast

dislike: insincerity

like: being right

4:25 A.M., please hit my head with a rock

2007-07-09T04:25:00.001-07:00

I don't know if I'm having sympathy insomnia for the friends with children who are probably also up at this hour, or if it's just because I'm insane...either way, I'm awake and would like to die.

What does one do at this hour? For those of you desperate enough to consider television, I'll save you some clicking and provide a brief synopsis of what you have to look forward to:

E!: Winning in the Cashflow System infomercial
Bravo: Rug Doctor infomercial
USA: The Bean infomercial (don't ask, I have no idea, I didn't stay tuned long enough to figure it out)
Discovery Channel: Sleep Number Bed infomercial
TNT: some movie with Bruce Willis
VH1: Nocturnal State
Food Network: Sleep Number Bed infomercial
MTV: music videos (yes, apparently they still play these, but only when they think no one's watching)
FX: Gunnar Peterson infomercial
PBS: some random ballet with guys that need cod pieces...or at least protective cups. I mean really. Does the public really need to see that crap?
KTLA: some hooked-on-phonics type infomercial, but I think it also implemented brainwashing for kids with ADD and ADHD. I don't know, I couldnt keep focused long enough to pay attention to get the details.
Discovery Channel: Sleep Number Bed infomercial
A&E: biography on Vanderbilt
TLC: some ebay seller's guide infomercial. looks scam-erific!

Quality television indeed my friends. Slim pickins. I for one am going to forgo any further blog posting because things are looking extremely fuzzy, and that's WITH my glasses on. Instead, I'm switching off the endless pleas to "act now" and "call within the next 30 minutes" and am turning to Harry Potter. For you non-fans, the 5th installment of the Harry Potter franchise opens this week and it's time to do a few refresher reads on the books.

On that note, I bid you all adieu. Cross your fingers that there are enough legal stimulants to keep my eyes open during work tomorrow.

Never a Dull Moment

2007-07-08T13:52:00.000-07:00

I had a very relaxing much needed chillaxed weekend.

are some of the highlights I was able to catch via my camera phone.

Not included here due to crappy-ness of said camera phone were parking

meters that accepted visa & mastercard, crappy photography being

sold for thousands of dollars, and a genuine cheek-bearing gold teeth

cleavage flaunting ho we passed by in Melrose.

I love Southern California.

------------------------------

Why use fresh when you can use vacuum-sealed-vitamin-fortified crap?

----------------------------------------

Huge F*$@ing SALE
---------------------------

ahh....the serenity that only a bright green building and

recirculated recycled water can afford
---------------------------------------

Only in LA can one get lost in a maze of escalators.

Whatever happened to stairs???

Ah yes...rotund architects tired of climbing them.

----------------------------------

I just slobbered all over these lenses.

----------------------------------------

You're never getting these back.

---------------------------

...anybody want a peanut?

2007-07-04T00:52:00.000-07:00

An apartment has recently become available. I can afford it, but it's a 2 bedroom and I figure why pay more than I have to if I can find a decent roommate who will cut the already affordable rent in half.

Since what few friends I have left are married, living with significant others, retarded or poor, I turned to craigslist. Which I'm thinking may not be the smartest idea. These are actual emails I received from something I posted today (note: these are the emails in their entire length, not excerpts):
------------------
"Hi! i am looking for a sharing room.
i am female and international student who go to GCC.
you said that you're loonking for some who has a job. right?
but i can tell you that you don't worry about paying.^^
oh!i have a question. what does BFF mean??
anyway. Email me^^
thanks."

Okay. To be fair at least she disclosed that she was an international student. That still doesn't make this email okay.
-----------------------
"I REALLY INTERESTED PLEASE GIVE ME A CALL 323 *** ****"

Yes I are want to call yesnow should.
-------------------------
" 'Hello. My name is ******** Iam 22 years college student and hairstylist perfect credit and no addictions. I also Christian
I live near the area you mention please give me a call and we can meet 323 *** ****
thank you."

Please stay in college. Please?
--------------------------

Okay so I sound like a total complaining picky wench. I know. But I also know myself, and know what things I can live with. Stupidity is not one of them. Is it wrong that intelligence is a requirement for a roommate almost as much as being financially stable? Eh whatever. I know what I want and I'm not taking anything less. I'll suck it up and pay the entire rent and live alone if I have to.

I know it looks bad now, but these were the worst of the worst. I got about 20 responses, and 3 or 4 of them actually seem fairly normal, I. Or at least they know how to use spellcheck and formulate complex sentences. I sent them emails with lots of questions using big words, so I guess I'll see what happens.

Regardless though, I think I'm gonna take the apartment. It's a great deal, and it's a much smaller space, but it would be my space. I love the house I live in and it's great for parties & gatherings, but I'm done. I'm ready to trade a big shared space for a smaller space that's all mine.

I'm already starting to take moving volunteers. You know you want to help. Especially in the middle of summer. The first 10 sign ups will receive customized name tags for moving day and complimentary ice water in dixie cups.

If only there was solitaire...

2007-07-03T17:24:00.000-07:00

If you get it, then you'll understand why this is such an awesome picture. If you don't...then you just don't. Ask me and I'll consider explaining.

But I thought this was pretty freakin hilarious. Happy first Friday! (second Friday takes place on actual Friday of this week, the 6th)

How To Lose 20 Birds in 1 Day

2007-07-02T11:28:00.001-07:00

1. remove protective plastic backing from seed trays in bird cage

2. fill empty seed trays

3. replace seed trays

4. forget to replace protective backing from seed trays

5. let stand for 4 hours to allow squirrels to pull seed trays out

6. let stand for another 4 hours to allow birds to walk out through holes created by missing seed trays

Um yeah. For those of you who know me, please at least try to act surprised that something like this happened to me.

I just confirmed with the homeowner that there were originally 26 birds, confirming that exactly 20 birds escaped, since there were only six left on Friday. I managed to catch two back, bringing the total number back up to 8.

Bad: I lost 70% of the bird population.

Good: At least I didn't lose 100%.

Good: the homeowner was extremely understanding and doesn't want to chop my head off.

My tour of housesitting is finally over. I moved the last bit of my stuff out this morning before work. Even though I ran through the house to pick up any little left over belongings I'm still apprehensive that I left something embarassing behind. Eh...I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

This particular round of housesitting went fairly smooth, minus the prison break in the aviary and the pond with the broken filter and receeding water and almost dead fish. Still though, the hardest part about watching the house for these people is normally the dogs, and this time they were extremely angelic.

Overall I'm pleased that nothing worse happened...like dogs escaping/dying, the house being burglurized, or me being attacked by ghosts (this is a valid fear people, don't laugh). Even though this round went very well I'm pretty sure it will be my last - and not for any reason other than I'm simply too busy to do this. I happened to be on a short break from school, so it worked out this time. But in the fall and spring when they go to Europe again, I'll be back in school and there's no way I'm doin both.

So yeah, I think I'm done. I've been doin it for 2 years, had some good times, had some bad times, made some good money, and now its time to pass the torch onto someone else and see how many birds someone else can lose.

No one mourns the wicked

2007-06-27T14:01:00.000-07:00

I refuse to kill this amazing experience by attempting to give it my own review. So just go see it.

My mom surprised me and bought us tickets for my birthday and we finally went and saw it last night. The music gave me chills for three hours!!! It was completely beyond anything I had expected from musical theatre, especially contemporary musical theatre.

It's like Andrew Lloyd Weber but not as depressing and like Rogers and Hammerstein but WAY cooler.

I cannot give this production enough praise! I can't even imagine how awesome it would be to see this on Broadway.

The tickets are pricey -- even bottom rung seats are upwards of $90 I believe, but well worth it. The music and voices paired with the music were amazing, stage design and special effects were imaginative and well executed, and the costumes were very entertaining. Just go see it.

Go see it. If you don't like it, you have my permission to cut my hair off while I'm sleeping and draw handlebar mustaches on my face.

Go see it. If you have any sort of heart or brain, I am positive you will enjoy it.

Ruminations on a weekend

2007-06-25T14:56:00.000-07:00

When you're a kid it's okay to be reaalllly messy.
And considered adorable most of the time!

-------------------------------

As much as I wished it would, cutting my hair won't

make me look like this again.

Only jogging can save me now.
--------------------------

Two more months until I'm back exploring new

Hawaiian horizons...two months. Two months.

------------------------------

I'm not dead on the inside. It's

just a lot easier to play dead

than to deal with the possibility of real emotions.
------------------------------

Laughter with friends and family is priceless

---------------------------------

This is what I have to look forward to in a few weeks.

Is it wrong that I really am looking forward to it?

(not the dirty girls-beer infested sidewalk-touristy part,

but the part where I go away for a weekend with my friends)
-------------------------------

Dogs like cottage cheese as much as I do.
I'm just not sure their bowels do.
That's a whole other post though.

Stiff Competition

2007-06-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

L.A.'s Pretty Pretty Princess 2007
cast your votes now ladies & gentlewomen!!

Contestant #1: 2004 runner-up

Contestant #2: 2006 defending champion

Contestant #3: fresh meat

**********

Voting closes 6/27/07 12:01 p.m.

Winner will beannounced Friday, June 29th at 12pm PST.

Birds of a Feather

2007-06-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

Okay...so I know we all have our weird moments where we look 'special' but it just seems like I have more than most people. I was organizing all my pictures and ran across these lovelies. And I wonder why I'm single. Maybe if I laid off going out in public with pink curlers in my hair I might have a fighting chance.And just because your friends make funny faces, doesn't make it okay to contort yours into an even scarier funny face. So as you can imagine, I started getting a little down on myself. I found a multitude of pictures like these and began to imagine the millions of moments NOT caught by camera. Which brought me to question myself: how is it that I have friends? why do they hang out with me? how does my family put up with being seen with me?

So, why, you ask? Because they are just as awesomely bad, retarded, ridiculous, embarassing and entertaining as I am.

It's that whole 'birds of a feather' deal-io. And don't be thinkin I'm all uber-crazy now for surrounding myself with other crazies, because you KNOW you've got 'em too and you KNOW you're grateful for 'em.

I do not heart 5 a.m.

2007-06-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

I fell asleep around 12:30 this morning. Not an unusual time for me, in fact pretty early by recent standards. I was also surprised I was able to sleep because I started house sitting last night and it usually takes me a few nights to get used to the house/surroundings/bumps in the night. Regardless, I slept well...very peacefully and without dreams, which is always a plus.

The dogs also slept well, just not as long as needed. Milo the dalmation promptly woke up at 5am this morning. Thinking I'd let the other dog sleep, I brought Milo upstairs to bed with me to sleep some more. 20 minutes later, Stitch was barking because he was all alone. I swear that dog has abandonment issues.

Unable to open my eyes completely, I grope my way downstairs with Milo. I passed by the clock in the kitchen and squinted my eyes open enough to see that it was still only 5:20. Oh. My. Jihad. I want to die. 5:20!?!?

I fed both dogs and unceremoniously threw them outside to entertain themselves while I stumbled back up to bed. 20 minutes later they were both barking. Being a light sleeper and knowing the neighbors would appreciate the barking even less than I did, I threw the pillows against the wall in exasperation and officially gave up on sleep.

I let the dogs back inside while I showered and got ready for work. I fed the birds, fed the fish, ate some cereal, watched a Good Eats episode I TiVo'd last night and it was STILL only 7:00 am. Too early to go to work. Kill me now.

All I can say is the dogs are lucky they're so adorable. If they were those little yapping pocket dogs that you can fit in a bra and carry in a purse they would have been thrown out the windows. I have a feeling tonight/tomorrow morning will be much better as I plan on keeping the mischevious duo awake as late as posssible so they'll be forced to sleep later.

Aside from that, I really kind of enjoy house sitting. I get little to negative cell phone reception at the house, and it's incredibly hard to find so I don't get any phone calls or visitors. And I feel bad leaving the dogs alone at night, so I usually hang out there each night instead of running errands/going out. On top of that, it's a beautiful craftsman house with an amazing backyard and tons of windows that let the summer breezes drift throughout. So it's kind of like a mini-retreat for me...I still have to work, but when I get home it's very relaxing. There's a great kitchen to cook in, the dogs keep me company and more than entertained....and they have TiVo. I spent an hour last night telling it the countless hours of shows and movies I wanted it to record.

Life is good.

FREEDOM

2007-06-13T12:05:00.000-07:00

School is officially done. I took my last final last night. Miracle of miracles has happened and I actually finished the semester (trust me, I had some serious doubts). Moreover, I managed to pull down A's in both classes. Another miracle. I'm still not sure if it was because my work was good or if it was just better than the rest of the students in my classes (which isn't sayin a whole lot)...either way, you won't find me complaining.

As I was driving home from class last night my right hand started cramping from all the final essay I'd just written and I was alarmingly reminded of high school and all the in class essays, AP exams, and practice essays and all the times my hand cramped back then.

I realized something significant -- I had kind of a mental block of sorts in high school. I consistently tried extremely hard to put forth my best work (especially in English, and even occasionally Math) and very rarely saw it pay off. I never got the grade I was aiming for, and consequently never did as well as I expected myself to, thus effectively placing the mental block of 'I am unable to achieve my potential and I will never live up to my own expectations'. Charming, I know.

The point is, the beginning of this semester was one giant panic attack for me. My very first class I still remember texting my brother at home, half joking and half not joking, asking him for a Xanax. As I acclimated myself to school, I became more comfortable, the panic subsided and I began tentatively putting out my best effort. And every time I turned in a paper, somewhere in the back of my mind I saw it coming back to me with a B or a C...I had absolutely no confidence in my work, and even though I'd busted my butt to write said paper, my mental block gave me no assurances that the hard work would translate into an A.

Long story short, I think I finally moved past a mental hurdle that has been dormant for 8 years. It's pretty friggin awesome. I highly recommend it.

Most importantly, maybe even moreso than moving past mental blockage, I'M FREEEEE. I'm taking the summer off, I'm going to travel, laugh, go to the beach, go driving without a destination, sleep in as long as I want, get sunburned, be with friends and family, watch as many movies as I can handle, stay up for the sunrise, take pictures and enjoy being free.

Until fall semester starts...at which point you should say your goodbyes, cuz you won't see me again until Christmas break.